“Yesterday was a good day, Alhamdulillah,” I said to myself.

This was after days of feeling intense sadness every night, crying myself to sleep and the occasional intense chest heaviness I feel as I move throughout my days.

Those nights when I would cry & cry & cry, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when I feel so uninspired, so unmotivated that I sit and stare at my phone watching people pouring out passionate messages filled with excitement in WhatsApp, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when I cannot make eye contact with people and my body would literally shake anxiously, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when my body would freeze and be in so much pain that I cannot relax, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when I no longer look forward to working out – something I really enjoy doing, and wished I could sleep for days, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those moments when I feel like I am forced to smile and laugh, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those moments when I cannot stop my thoughts from racing, from only thinking that I am not good enough and I am undeserving, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

But now, I know.
I know what’s wrong with me.

It’s depression.
I have anxiety.

I somehow feel liberated to know that I do have a disorder.
And it’s not just ‘in my head’.
Well, it is in my head.
You get what I mean, do you?

If anyone of you reading this are going through the same, please seek help.
There is support available.

You do not have to suffer alone.

There are ways to go about these things.

But yesterday was a good day.

Alhamdulillah.

xoxo


Share Button

2 Comments on Yesterday was a good day

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *