This morning, I woke up feeling angry.

Angry at myself that I slept earlier than Mr Sunshine while he was folding clothes outside our room.

I am also angry at myself for telling Mr Sunshine that I am not up for heading back to Batu Pahat next weekend. This is because I know I will be exhausted. We will be going to Sungai Petani the following weekend, and to Batu Pahat the weekend after that, for his brother’s nikah & bersanding etc.

Since I have one day off per week, we have been heading back to Batu Pahat on Saturday right after work. Then on Sunday night, we drive back to Shah Alam. Monday comes right after that, and it’s back to work.

Even typing that felt tiring.
It is tiring.
But I am OK if it is just once a month.

I can’t handle back to back traveling like that.

I know it was the right thing to do for myself. But I still feel bad. And I am angry. And tired.

As it is, I am already feeling anxious about taking the ETS to & fro Sungai Petani. Not looking forward to being on a train for hours.
Also anxious about being around so many people during the kenduri.
So I am angry at myself for being weak. Why the hell must you be this way, Melissa?

I am also angry at myself for letting Khaleel go for his swim meet last weekend. Because his finger that was slammed by a door last week was actually fractured. What kind of a mother does that?

I am also angry that I do not have enough money to pay for a few things this month. You screwed up, Melissa.

I am angry that I feel that people are moving so fast in business (and in life), yet here I am, moving like a sloth.
They say people move fast because they need the money, and that I can move at whatever pace I can.

There are so many things I am angry about.
And all I feel like doing is hide from everyone.

Hmm, I remember being asked by my psychiatrist, “What are you angry about?”
Maybe I should send her this post.


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