No One Truly Understands

Yesterday, someone asked me…

Kenapa you macam deteriorating? Adakah potentially you baca and explore more about what you have, and then you start developing the symptoms from your reading?

And it stabbed me in my heart.

Because:

1. I have not been going down that rabbit hole of reading up anymore, they are all pretty much the same thing
2. She is one of my close friends, and I confide in her a lot and I felt like she was blaming me, for what is happening, for my mental health
3. She said that I have been avoiding triggers but am still spiraling. Little did she know, that my triggers are all around me. It is not only what she thinks they are.

What she said has been lingering in my head since then. And there is still that pain in my heart.

But then again, I need to realise that, no one will truly understand what, why & how.

No one truly understands.

xoxo