I am having trouble falling asleep.
I do not know whether it’s because it’s that time of the month, or because I have became accustomed to feeling blue whenever Aidilfitri is nearing since Mummy left.

I am secretly afraid of not being able to programme myself to be happy around Mr Sunshine’s family at Raya. It’s not that they’re bad people or anything (they have been great, Alhamdulillah). But I guess this takes getting used to, because I have not even gotten used to Raya without Mummy around, plus the fact I have never been this far apart from my family my entire life.

Oh yeah, and I am having my period now which means I am not pregnant. Yet.
I know I have seemed pretty cool about it all this while but it’s really, really, really starting to get to me. Like, is there something wrong with me ? I feel like I am disappointing not only myself but everyone around me.
Mr Sunshine especially. 🙁

I am all torn up inside right now.

But as Mr Sunshine always say to me, “Semuanya datang dari Allah SWT.”
I know this is so cliche, but everything does happen for a reason.
I shall try not mope around this year during Raya.
I shall try not to worry about things I cannot control.
I shall try not to take insignificant people’s words or actions to heart.
I shall try not to stress myself up over petty things. – This one is the toughest of ’em all !

I should be appreciating the fact that this year will be the first year Mr Sunshine and I will be celebrating Aidilfitri as husband and wife. InshaAllah. Alhamdulillah.
And that I still have my family around even they are miles away. Alhamdulillah.

This better be just my hormones messing around with me.

I’ve gotta get to bed, Mr Sunshine and I have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.

P.S: Raya cookies status ? Almost gone. Hehe.

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5 Comments on i got you babe.

  1. Oh hun! I’m so sorry you’re feeling so down. All I can say is your husband is right, every good blessing comes from God and it will happen in His time. When you both are ready, everything will fall into place. Take care dear, keep the faith!! Hugss!

  2. Bummer bout the baby 🙁 🙁

    It’s weird, huh. Kinda spend your whole youth trying not to get pregnant but then you want to and it doesn’t seem to be all that easy after all. Don’t lose hope and there isn’t anything wrong with you… maybe it all just comes down to timing.

    Thanks for writing in my Formspring – real sweet of you! And it’s helped push me along just that little bit more to get through today. It’s funny how one little stumble upon your blog has transpired this strange kind of online/blog friendship-ism but I’m happy for it.

    Selamat berpuasa to you and your Mr. Sunshine. Sorry I’m like, way late but better than never right? ehehe (coverline) ♥

  3. Feli: You’re right. But it’s just painful at times. 🙁
    I’m ok most of the time. 🙂 Thanks sayang ! Hugs back. Love you !

    Mello: Yeah. So true. That’s like a line for Giulliana and Bill ! Hehe. Yeah, we believe it will happen when He permits it. 🙂
    Haha yeah lah, it’s pretty neat, this cyber-friendship ours. 😉
    Haha it’s almost Raya but thanks ! ;D

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