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Category: work

i resign.

After 90 days of maternity leave and an extra day off, it was back to work for me last Monday. It felt as if it was my first day at work ever !
My memory of how to carry out work tasks were a bit fuzzy that day. Hehe.

I am currently recovering from a hectic past three weeks.
Marc and Linn were solemnized on Friday, November 11th, Alhamdulillah. Lene and I helped with the hantaran preparations. Their solemnization plans were kinda last minute, they got everything done within a month ! Phew ! Long story there, malas nak elaborate.
But Alhamdulillah everything went smoothly, and their reception will be held in February, InshaAllah.

Mr. Sunshine and I. 🙂

Faira, Aunty Maziey, Lene and I.

Alhamdulillah. Welcome to the family, Linn ! 😀

The newlyweds. 🙂

Family picture – Khayla was getting tired, hehe.

Starting work also meant that I had to send Dian Khayla to a nursery/babysitter. We found a babysitter prior to Aidiladha but didn’t have the time to send Khayla over for a ‘trial period’. So we started sending Khayla there last Sunday.
I was so fortunate that Lene was still on her hols so she came over to help me with Khayla because Mr. Sunshine was away in Seremban for the whole week.
Surprisingly, leaving Khayla at the babysitter’s was not as hard as I thought it would be. I guess all the mental preparation I had been doing worked !
Mental preparation – Repeat after me, “I have no choice, I have to work, and someone else has to take care of my baby. No two ways around it.” 
Just two days after taking care of Khayla, the babysitter sent me this:

I immediately broke down, my heart was aching to go pick Khayla up immediately. :'(
I can understand that it’s not easy looking after Khayla, I’m exhausted everyday. But to give up just after a couple of days is heartbreaking. Sigh.
Since that text message, my mind wasn’t at peace. I would go to work in the morning, wishing that it was 1700 hours already so that I can be with my baby again. It’s like I’m letting my baby be taken care of by someone who was not sincere. 🙁

Mr. Sunshine and I are scouting for another sitter, but as at now we haven’t found one. So we’d still have to send Khayla to the same person next week.
I’m trying my best not to worry too much. Not easy !

My situation at work is not helping either.
I haven’t blogged about this before because I wanted it to be a surprise but looking at how things are right now, I might as well just tell the whole world what’s going on. Haha. (fake laugh)
In June, I went for an interview for a Pharmacist post in UiTM and in August, just a week after Khayla was born, they told me I was offered the post in UiTM Shah Alam’s Health Centre. Alhamdulillah. Sounds exciting doesn’t it ?
Well, it was exciting until the director of the hospital I’m working at refuses to sign my pelepasan dengan izin application.
For those of you who don’t get it, I’m working under the Ministry of Health (MOH), so in order to work with UiTM, I have to resign from MOH and if I want my three years of service in the government to be accounted for, I have to apply to be ‘released with permission’ a.k.a pelepasan dengan izin. I can just resign because resignation does not need anyone’s approval but my three years of service will go down the drain.
I signed my resignation letter and pelepasan dengan izin application in early October and it hasn’t been signed by her. She (the director) has no power to approve my application, MOH does, but I need her signature as my Ketua Jabatan. Her reason is that I have to complete my compulsory service which is ridiculous to me because I am not trying to run away from completing it, I am trying to continue the service in UiTM. Recently, after pharmacists were allowed to shorten our three-year compulsory service to one, I thought that would make things easier but nooooo, she still insists that I have to complete my compulsory service first. Sigh. It’s absurd that after almost two months, my application hasn’t even reached MOH yet !
After discussing with Mr. Sunshine and Daddy, I have decided to just resign. Tawar hati dah !
My three month’s resignation notice ends on the 31st of December, so I’ll start work in UiTM in January, InshaAllah.

I hope I’m doing the right thing, I hope it’s what’s best for me. Ameen.

Things are so overwhelming for me right now, physically, emotionally and mentally. I’m such a mess ! *nangis*

xoxo

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partiality.

Thank you Allah for giving me the strength to fast for the past 6 days.
So far there hasn’t been any fainting spells, only occasional dizziness which go away if I sit or lie down.

Yesterday was the last Friday that I had to work before I give birth. No more working on the weekends ! Woohoo !
We welcomed two new Pharmacists to the hospital last week, one Provisionally Registered Pharmacist (PRP) and one Fully Registered Pharmacist (FRP).
Reshuffling of current posts is in the works.
I haven’t really figured out how I feel about all the changes.
Hmm.

If all goes well, I’m hoping I get to go back to Gombak for at least one night before heading back to Batu Pahat before my EDD. Daddy agrees that it’s a good idea to break the trip into two, so that we can rest in between.
Apart from that, I really want a chance to break fast with Daddy, Marc & Lene, since I didn’t have the chance to do so last year. 🙁

Uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contractions are quite common these days.
I can only imagine how real contractions feel like.

The weekend’s almost over for me, sigh ! Gotta get my mind ready for work tomorrow.
Bye.

Ramadhan blessing: The appreciative smile I get from Mr. Sunshine’s when he’s stuffed with the food I cook for berbuka.  

xoxo

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did they hear that ?

I am finding it hard to put into words how I am feeling right now.
It’s the sucky after-feeling of when you’ve maxed out your energy meter by building up so much anxiety for something.
It’s how your heart just can’t stop keeping still after that something ends, yet your mind’s just blank.

I’m not making sense, aren’t I ?

xoxo

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who do you think you are ?

Good morning.
I was awaken earlier than usual this morning, because I dozed off just after 2100 hours last night.
Mr. Sunshine was not even back from his futsal game at the time.

I felt so drained, albeit yesterday being the only first day of my working week. I had trouble sleeping the night before.
In addition to that, I came back from work, with tears in my eyes. And continued to cry until I fell asleep. :”(

Initially, I thought I knew for sure why I was bawling my eyes out, but as the night progressed, I was confused.
I was aware I should not let her words get to me, but I did.
So I ended up questioning myself. Doubting myself. I was overwhelmed. Last night was just so messed up.
Sigh.

But today is a new day, so I shall try to leave the past behind and brace myself for what’s ahead !
Sound believable enough ? Haha.

Have a good week everyone !

xoxo

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table file ?

For the first time in history,*drumroll please* I have managed to complete ALL the tasks from work that I brought home, on the first day of my weekend ! Alhamdulillah. YAYYYYY !!
I should stop doubting myself.
Ok let’s not get ahead of ourselves, hehe.

I deserve a treat.
Dum tee dum tee dum….
*skips to the kitchen*

xoxo

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week one.

Mr Sunshine and I kicked of the New Year watching awesome fireworks…..

….in our dreams.
Hehe.
As usual, I was fast asleep on New Year’s eve night as I had to work the next day.
(But I think even if I did not have to work on New Year’s day, I would still have dozed off by 2200 hours.)
Nevertheless, my New Year’s day was special.
Mr Sunshine surprised me with a buffet supper at Permai Inn, Kuala Terengganu !
He kept telling me that we were going to a ‘special’ place but being the joker he is, I didn’t take his word for it. I was not dressed up to dine at a hotel !
Supper was so-so but we got to watch Manchester United beat West Brom 2-1 while dining so I won’t complain. 😀

Thank you for the New Year’s Day supper, Sunshine ! 😉

The first week of January was hectic, with year-end returns to complete and the boss’ endless commands (and demands) to obey and oblige to. I think it was getting too much for my body as I fell sick by the end of the week.
I was down with severe abdominal pain along with fever and cough last Thursday, landing me in bed the whole day ! 🙁
The pain subsided as night time approached but the fever stayed on until yesterday night.
I am feeling so much better today, Alhamdulillah.
I have to be better for work tomorrow, I predict another stressful hectic week.

Oh, and today I chopped off my no-longer-manageable waist length hair ! I look like this now..

Well, minus the gorgeous face. Hehe.

How did you start your 2011 ? I’m sure it was fabulous ! 😀

Goodnight everyone !

xoxo

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i feel like quitting my job.

Seriously, that’s how I have been feeling for the past two weeks.
Mr Sunshine has received two text messages from me telling that, “Saya seriously nak berhenti kerja !” while I was at work.
I don’t know what has gotten into me, but lately I have not been able to handle all the stress at work so well.
It could be due to the recent going ons in my life, with Daddy being unwell, with the distracting pain I have been enduring and of course, work itself.

Even one minuscule thought about work can make me soooo tensed up, I get worried that I might go crazy.
Take this morning for example, I woke up and work was the first thing that crossed my mind, I felt all the muscles in my body tighten while I stared at the ceiling trying to calm myself down.

I can burst into tears any time right now.

I’m happy for those of you who are at peace with your respective jobs and love doing it day in day out but I just can’t say the same for myself.

I do not know how long I can go on faking smiles.

P.S: THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL YOU KIND THOUGHTS AND WELL WISHES HERE, ON FACEBOOK OR THROUGH THE PHONE ! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME ! YES, I MEAN YOU ! ;D

xoxo

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because this is my one and only life.

I can count with my fingers the number of times I have gone out for lunch with my colleagues here. I usually walk back home to pray and/or take a short nap and/or surf the web during lunch time. And I have been doing so for the past 1 year for a couple of reasons. Reason number 1 being that, I don’t eat lunch on most days (of my life, hehe). Another reason is because I have always considered me being here in Terengganu as something ephemeral, and the only purpose I’m here is to work and work and work. And the only thing I look forward to everyday is to go back home to Gombak.

This afternoon my boss had this to say to me when I refused to go along with her and my colleagues for lunch, “Awak kena keluar lah kadang-kadang, baru ceria sikit. Ini asyik fikir nak balik je, mana tak sedih.”
Of course I had a rebuttal to that, but only now it occurred to me that she could be right.
I realized that I have been going through my days, not really appreciating them. Instead, I pass my days by looking to the future, constantly looking at the calendar, thinking of the next time I would be able to go home and be with my family and friends, or when will I finally get to transfer out of here.
I keep thinking that life would be better when I’m out of here. But I forgot to notice that my life is now, it’s happening now, whether I am loving it or not.
I really need to start living in the present. Enjoy now.
I should neither dwell in the past, nor overthink what’s ahead.

This might sound a tad ambitious coming from someone like me.
But I plan to try my very best. 🙂

This is my one and only life, And its a great and terrible and short and endless thing, and none of us come out of it alive.” Holly Kennedy (P.S I Love You, 2007).

xoxo

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i don’t want to be here.

Our modem decided to die on us last Sunday, so I’m blogging from my phone again.
We’ll get a replacement modem by Saturday. Well that’s what the guy at the IT store told Mr Sunshine.
No stable internet connection = no blog hopping = no Facebooking = no tweeting.
I was on medical leave yesterday and today because of this persistent headache that has been bugging me. For these past two days, I have been popping analgesics, rubbing axe oil all over my head and oversleeping.
I overslept to the extent I missed a call from my colleague this morning who wanted to check if I could come in to work today as her uncle passed away.
I only found out about it late this afternoon after I woke up. I’m feeling quite terrible now thanks to that. :'(
I have so much on my mind right now, but since I’m having my menses, I think it’s just my hormones taking me for a ride.
So I’ll keep my thoughts to myself.
xoxo

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pharmacy unit aidilfitri feast.

It’s the weekend again. I’m hoping this weekend will be better for me in the emotions department.
Although it sort of kicked off with me screwing up at work, I’m trying to look past that and learn from it.
I am currently in the middle of doing our laundry, just dried out one batch of clothes and now waiting for another batch to be washed. I thank God for the washing machine existence.
Anyway, I just wanted to share a few snapshots from our Pharmacy Unit’s Aidilfitri feast we organised last week.
We had a few cakes which were all finished before I got to taste them. Hehe.
Other mouth watering desserts we served. The one on the right was prepared by Noor ! It’s so delicious I tell you.
We had a bowl of tapai (fermented glutinous rice) which was a hit too.
 The Nasi Beriyani we ran out of when guests were still pouring in.
A Raya Feast would not be complete without ketupat and rendang. They usually have ketupat palas for Raya over here.

Our guests. That’s Matun smiling so cutely on the right.

L-R: Noor, my ex-boss Kak Nadya, Me, Dr Nadia (the doctor in charge of the male ward which I am in charge of too) and Dr Nik Fauzilah.

The Director of our hospital having a go at our laksa.

Lastly, but not least a photo of the hosts, the pharmacists, Matun, Noor and I. 🙂

Ok this is making me really hungry.

xoxo

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