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Category: Self Love

Yesterday was a good day

“Yesterday was a good day, Alhamdulillah,” I said to myself.

This was after days of feeling intense sadness every night, crying myself to sleep and the occasional intense chest heaviness I feel as I move throughout my days.

Those nights when I would cry & cry & cry, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when I feel so uninspired, so unmotivated that I sit and stare at my phone watching people pouring out passionate messages filled with excitement in WhatsApp, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when I cannot make eye contact with people and my body would literally shake anxiously, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when my body would freeze and be in so much pain that I cannot relax, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when I no longer look forward to working out – something I really enjoy doing, and wished I could sleep for days, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those moments when I feel like I am forced to smile and laugh, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those moments when I cannot stop my thoughts from racing, from only thinking that I am not good enough and I am undeserving, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

But now, I know.
I know what’s wrong with me.

It’s depression.
I have anxiety.

I somehow feel liberated to know that I do have a disorder.
And it’s not just ‘in my head’.
Well, it is in my head.
You get what I mean, do you?

If anyone of you reading this are going through the same, please seek help.
There is support available.

You do not have to suffer alone.

There are ways to go about these things.

But yesterday was a good day.



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My Struggle with Self Love

I can honestly say that I have always struggled with self love.

I cannot remember a time when I looked into the mirror without thinking, why is my face covered with scars? Why are my hips so huge? Why is my nose full of blackheads? Why am I so fat? Why are my pores so big? Why do I look so funny when I laugh? Why is my teeth so ugly? Did he give this job to me by mistake?

All that I see are my flaws. On the other hand, everyone else looks & seem so perfect to me.

I know I should love myself & we have always been told to love ourselves first before we love someone else.

What is self love anyway?

Self love goes way beyond taking some time off to go to the gym or spa. Or getting your nails done for the first time. (Yes, I have never had a manicure in my life!)

Self love is a process of accepting & appreciating our flaws & imperfections, along with our strengths & beauty. Sounds pretty simple, right?

But you don’t just wake up one day & look in the mirror & say, wow, my scars look amazing! My body is so beautiful! Yayyyy for fat hips! 😆

Because it is a gradual emotional process.

In January, a friend of mine who has been helping me with emotional release (will blog about this in a later post) told me that I have been having recurring emotions of insecurity & suggested for me to do a 21-day meditation to release this particular emotion & replace with a positive one.

Unfortunately, I think I only managed to do ONE day of meditation, haha, sorry Yasmin!
So I’ll need to work on being more disciplined on focused on switching my brain from self loath to self love, InshaAllah.

Anyone here in the same boat, let’s do this together. <3

Do keep me in your prayers, guys! I know I can do this. 🙂


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