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Category: notes to self

Yesterday was a good day

“Yesterday was a good day, Alhamdulillah,” I said to myself.

This was after days of feeling intense sadness every night, crying myself to sleep and the occasional intense chest heaviness I feel as I move throughout my days.

Those nights when I would cry & cry & cry, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when I feel so uninspired, so unmotivated that I sit and stare at my phone watching people pouring out passionate messages filled with excitement in WhatsApp, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when I cannot make eye contact with people and my body would literally shake anxiously, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when my body would freeze and be in so much pain that I cannot relax, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when I no longer look forward to working out – something I really enjoy doing, and wished I could sleep for days, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those moments when I feel like I am forced to smile and laugh, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those moments when I cannot stop my thoughts from racing, from only thinking that I am not good enough and I am undeserving, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

But now, I know.
I know what’s wrong with me.

It’s depression.
I have anxiety.

I somehow feel liberated to know that I do have a disorder.
And it’s not just ‘in my head’.
Well, it is in my head.
You get what I mean, do you?

If anyone of you reading this are going through the same, please seek help.
There is support available.

You do not have to suffer alone.

There are ways to go about these things.

But yesterday was a good day.



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My 2015 Resolutions.

Assalamu’alaikum and hi y’all. πŸ™‚
As promised, I am here to share about my 2015 resolutions !

The last time I listed down my resolutions was during the end of 2012 and they were obviously for 2013. Sooo let’s see how many of them I can tick off.

  1. Not to miss my daily prayers and try to pray on time whenever I can. This is a constant struggle for me, isk isk. – STILL STRUGGLING.
  2. Try to cover my aurah properly – make sure my chest, neck, butt and arms are fully covered, buy and wear more long skirts/dresses/loose pantsΒ instead of jeans or form-fitting pants. Constant struggle too, isk isk. – STILL STRUGGLING.Β 
  3. Try to read at least one page of the Qur’an a day. -STILL STRUGGLING
  4. Strive to be a better wife, Mummy, daughter, sister, friend and worker. InshaAllah. – STILL STRUGGLING
  5. Work out a minimum of three times a week. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays perhaps ? – CHECK ! I love you Zumba !Β 
  6. Cut down on fast foods, junk food and carbonated beverages. I can already see Mr. Sunshine rolling his eyes. Hehe. I HAVEN’T HAD A SODA SINCE APRIL 2013, WOOT WOOT ! Can’t say the same for junk food & fast food though. Tsk.
  7. Keep on sharing the goodness of Shaklee with everyone ! – CHECK !

I am basically still struggling to get through the first half of my 2013 resolutions ! *dies*

Resolution No. 1:
To be honest, last year sometime around October or November, I went through more than 2 weeks of being low, sad, down to the point I literally had to force myself to get up and pray.
I’m not sure if any of you have ever experienced anything like that, but if you have, I am here to tell you that you will get through it.
I forced myself to listen to a lot of islamic lectures on YouTube (particularly by Yasmin Mogahed and Nouman Ali Khan) which I think was a huge help, I also listened to lectures on the tafseer of Al-Qur’an and most importantly I never stopped praying for Allah to spare me from the Β ‘detachment phase’Β I was going through.

A friend of mine shared this schedule which I thought is really good for anyone who needs help in keeping their ibadah in check. Everyone needs a push every now and then, right ? πŸ™‚

Jadual Ibadah Harian
Anyone who needs this schedule, do contact me, I will happily email it to you.

I am hoping to be able to strike this resolution off this year ! Ameen Ya Rabb !

Resolution No. 2:
I have always been a jeans and blouse kinda person so this is really a challenge for me especially when I think that wearing skirts make my hips look huge.
They’re already huge to begin with, so I don’t want to accentuate them. And that’s where I am so superficially wrong !
I need to constantly remind myself that I do not have to dress to impress the people around me, I only have to dress to please Allah S.W.T plus HE gave me those hips anyway. Hehe.
I have just recently started wearing socks and hand socks to cover my feet & wrists (mencabarnya nak istiqamah bab ni !) I try to make sure I only wear wide shawls and/or tudungs which are big enough to cover my chest. In fact, I have been so used to it that wearing slightly short tudungs feel so uncomfortable.

Melissa Shaklee
More loose dresses please, Melissa !

Please pray that I will remain steadfast in my struggle to cover up ! Isk isk.

Resolution No. 3:
I really have no excuse for this. *slaps self*
Read more Qur’an, Melissa !

Resolution No. 4:
I believe this will always be a working progress because nobody’s perfect. But to be specific, I need to:
1. Spend less time on my phone and more time on Khayla & Mr. Sunshine.
2. Be more organized with proper time management to help me juggle between my family, job and part time job.

I hope all of you are doing OK with your resolutions. All the best ! πŸ™‚

Here’s to an incredible 2015, InshaAllah. πŸ™‚


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2012 wrap up.

Hello !
I am here again with my 2012 wrap up post, like previous years.

  1. I resigned from the Ministry of Health and started working in UiTM in January this year.
  2. Mr. Sunshine finally got transferred from Terengganu ! Alhamdulillah. πŸ™‚
  3. Marc and Linn had a beautiful wedding reception, and my best friend of 14 years tied the knot in February, Alhamdulillah.
  4. Failed in fully breastfeeding my precious Dian Khayla. πŸ™
  5. I turned 28 this year, Alhamdulillah, and as usual Mr. Sunshine was amazing. πŸ™‚
  6. My immune system ran amok on me, which caused me to have cold sores back to back for more than a month !
  7. Mr. Sunshine and I had to go through some babysitter drama, but things eventually fell into place, Alhamdulillah.
  8. Khayla was admitted to Selayang Hospital due to one episode of  febrile fits.
  9. Khayla also had to go through painful sores that came along with the Hand, Foot and Mouth disease (HFMD).
  10. Dian Khayla turned ONE in Ramadhan, and in August, Alhamdulillah. πŸ™‚
  11. Got really emotional during Raya and took a trip to Penang  ! πŸ˜‰
  12. Khayla was infected by the stomach flu, and spread it to everyone except Daddy !
  13. I attended the compulsory UiTM induction course in September, and passed !Alhamdulillah.
  14. Mr. Sunshine took us to Ipoh for his ‘Old Boys Weekend and then straight to Gan’s beautiful wedding !
  15. Khayla started walking at 13 months, Alhamdulillah. πŸ™‚
  16. I fell in love with Shaklee and became an Independent Distributor. πŸ™‚
  17. Moved out from Gombak in November. 
  18. Went on a book shopping frenzy with Mr. Sunshine at the Big Bad Wolf Sale. πŸ™‚
  19. Rekindled an old friendship which turned sour a couple of years ago, Alhamdulillah. πŸ™‚

My 2012 has been evidently filled with ups and downs, Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah for still being able to breathe through all of it.

May 2013 be filled new spirits, stronger determination and loads of love ! InshaAllah. πŸ˜‰


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