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Category: mummy I miss

my 1433H eid.

Hello ya’ll !
I hope it’s not too late to wish all my Muslim brothers & sisters SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI !

Last Monday marked 6 years since arwah Mummy left us and the day before (Sunday) would have been her 62nd birthday if she was still around. I’m still in a bit of a sombre mood, but I’m trying my best to not let it affect me too much. Gotta concentrate on work. I can’t believe it has been 6 years already. It still feels like it was just yesterday. :'(


August is a bittersweet month for me. *nangis*

Gotta. Focus.
Gotta. Focus.

How has your Raya (I somehow prefer addressing Raya as Raya instead of Eid) been so far ? I was on leave for the whole of last week. Not because I wanted to beraya but because my workplace was closed for the whole week and so was Khayla’s nursery. Soooo, I had no choice but to take leave. But I think I’ve managed to put all the spare time to good use.

As I’ve blabbered in my previous post, we spent Raya eve and the first two days of Syawal in Batu Pahat. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I’d have to be honest that I felt awful on Raya eve when everyone was busy preparing dishes for Raya. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry. It wasn’t just about being in Batu Pahat, it’s just the same emotions I go through every year before (and during Raya) and I guess it was exarcebated by the fact that I wasn’t in Gombak.

Alhamdulillah Mr. Sunshine was always there for me, he thanked me for agreeing to be in his hometown, and constantly had words of comfort for me throughout the eve of Raya. Things got a little better on the 1st day of Syawal, I managed to contain my tears whole day, even during the bersalam-salaman and the whole visiting relatives sessions. What an achievement, Alhamdulillah.
So yeah, it wasn’t that bad.

Green was our theme in Batu Pahat. Mr. Sunshine and I reused our outfits which we wore for Marc & Linn’s wedding. 🙂

My beautiful sisters in-law.
I’m so fortunate that I can joke around with them and talk to them as if they’re my own blood. 🙂

My man. 🙂

Awesome mum in-law. 🙂
Mr. Sunshine’s extended family ! 🙂

We were back in Gombak on the 2nd day of Syawal. We went visiting the next day. We intend to continue visiting friends/relatives this weekend. InshaAllah. Mr. Sunshine, Khayla and I were all supposed to be in purple, but the tailor didn’t managed to finish sewing Khayla and my baju kurungs. What a disappointment ! 🙁

Family shot on the 3rd day of Syawal.

I love this shot of us !

Last Thursday, Mr. Sunshine took Khayla and I on a 3 days 2 nights vacation to Penang. Traffic was heavy along the way but there was no jam. All we did in Penang was eat, eat, and EAT.
I didn’t gain any weight throughout the first 4 days of Syawal, but I managed to gain a kilo after being in Penang for 3 days !

Yummy Penang Food.

MORE yummy Penang food.

Khayla had her first trip to the beach at Batu Feringghi, and she didn’t like it that much. She was in tears every time the waves hit her legs. Hehe. Driving down Batu Feringghi brought back a lot of memories of when I was there with Daddy, arwah Mummy & my siblings.

At Batu Feringghi beach.

We also took her on a ferry ride on which she was pretty cool and calm, pointing at the sea water, unlike her Mummy who was terrified and couldn’t wait to get back into the car. Yes, I am still terrifed of deep water.

Khayla and Ayah on the ferry.

Mummy explaining to Khayla why Mummy is afraid of the sea. Haha.

Khayla was also pretty cool on the train ride up and down Penang Hill (Bukit Bendera). We got on the front coach and we let her stand by the front window. 🙂

The view from Penang Hill. 🙂

Khayla was a bit cranky throughout the whole Penang trip. I guess she was fatigued, because everytime we were in the car she would hug me and fall asleep. Poor baby.

Yesterday morning I think I heard Khayla call out, “Mi, mi !” but I am still not too sure whether she means Mummy. Hehe.

That’s all for now. Hope all of you had an awesome Raya.
Bye !


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are you ready to say goodbye ?

Ramadhan is nearing its end I feel like I have not accomplished what I set out to do during this holy month.
I am far from perfecting my Qur’an reading skills, I haven’t been giving as much as I should and I find myself more consumed by worldly matters as the days go by. *nangis*
But there’s still a couple more days before Syawal, so I plan to make the most out of it, InshaAllah.

Work has been okay, Alhamdulillah.
I have found out the hard way that handling procurement of drugs (read: medications, not illegal drugs) is tough ! Now I know what my ex-colleagues who were in charge of a pharmacy store were stressing about most of the time. The past 8 months has seen me making mistakes, and learning from them. Sometimes I do feel like a total failure (sob, sob), but I have to keep reminding myself that mistakes are inevitable especially when you’re new. I shall strive to provide better after this, especially next year after this year’s drug tender contract ends. Ameen.

On a completely different note, I discovered that I am nearsighted, about 5 months ago. Isk isk. I think it’s partly due to owning a smartphone ! Honestly, I always thought that my perfect vision would last me a lifetime (hahaha) because both Daddy and arwah Mummy only had to wear glasses when they were in their 40’s to 50’s. Hmm. I guess that’s what you get when you take Allah’s luxuries for granted. Isk isk.

How are your Raya plans this year ? 
Mr. Sunshine and I had planned to spend Raya eve in Gombak this year, since we’ve been in Batu Pahat for the past two years. But due to unforeseen circumstances, we’d be in Batu Pahat again this year. I don’t want to elaborate much on the whys and whatnots because it’ll only trigger my lacrimal glands to produce massive amounts of tears. I hope I can keep my calm while we’re there.
Next year, InshaAllah we’ll celebrate Raya in Gombak. It has been 6 years since arwah Mummy passed on, and that’s how long we’ve never actually celebrated Raya.

Oh, how I miss Mummy. :'(

And with that said, I have lost my mood to blog.


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sixty one.

Happy 61st Birthday Mummy.

Tomorrow will mark 5 years since you left us.

Allah is so Great, he took you away in the month of August and has blessed me with my beautiful baby Khayla in this very same month too.
She was actually due yesterday, a day before your birthday. 🙂

I want you to know that I miss you even more these days, with the birth of Khayla, and Raya just around the corner. All around the same time of your birthday and the anniversary of your passing. :'(
When I was going through the pains of delivering Khayla, my thoughts and prayers were always of you.
I am reminded of you when I stare at Khayla.
I think I am stuck with the baby blues because there are times tears would just fall down my cheeks for no reason at all.
Oh how I wish you were still around to see how amazing your granddaughter is.
She may look demure, but wait until you hear her cry !
It’s not easy putting her to sleep at night. But Daddy told me, “You won’t know the meaning of patience until you have a child.”
I wish you were around to give me tips and advice and help me bring up my daughter to be a beautiful person inside and out, just like you.
No matter how great my in-laws are, deep down inside, I still wish I could be with you during this period of confinement.
I am not gonna lie, it’s pretty tough putting on a strong face when my insides are all in bits and pieces. But I know it’s another phase I have to go through.

I wish I was as strong as you.

I miss you Mummy.

Ramadhan blessing: Having a mum and sisters in-law who would go the extra mile just to take care of me during confinement. Alhamdulillah.


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my mummy is beautiful.

Dearest Mummy,

It’s been a while since I wrote to you.
I am aware that every time I do write, it’ll be a long-winded sad and mushy post.
This time around I am gonna make an effort to keep it as chirpy as I can. 🙂
Because tomorrow is Mother’s Day and no matter how emotionally disturbed I am right now, I know you would want me to try to be happy.

A couple of days ago, I was craving for your fruit cake. I did not go out to look for just any other fruit cake because I knew I would be disappointed.
In my eyes, no one bakes as good as you. No one cooks like you do.
It’s funny because there are moments that the thought of calling you to ask you about how to cook something crosses my mind and then only it hits me that you’re no longer around.
But it’s ok Mummy, according to Mr Sunshine, I have been doing an ok job in keeping his tummy filled with good food. 🙂

I am 6 months pregnant now, Alhamdulillah.
Being pregnant makes me think of you even more. Makes me wonder about how you dealt with all your pregnancies. Did you get backaches or sore heels ? Did you go through morning sickness ? How did you feel when you felt my first kick ? How were your labor experiences ?
I’d have to admit that I get frustrated sometimes because I have so many personal questions on pregnancy that I want to ask you.
But I am blessed to have an awesome mum in-law and friends who I can turn to for answers. The internet has helped me tremendously too. 🙂

Mummy, I am gonna be okay, right ?

Now this wasn’t so bad, wasn’t it ?
I miss you, Mummy.

To my beautiful mum in-law all you gorgeous mothers out there, Happy Mother’s Day. 🙂


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my blissful eid.

Hi everyone. How was your Monday ?
I succeeded in fasting today, despite all the temptations at work.
1 day down, 15 days to go. Yea, FIFTEEN ! 🙂

I hope all of you are still enjoying Syawal. 🙂

Syawal 1431 Hijrah marks the first year Mr Sunshine and I are celebrating Eid together as husband and wife. Alhamdulillah. 🙂
Even though I had to work on the first day of Eid, but having almost the whole of the following week off, I can’t (and won’t) complain. 🙂

I shall continue to bore you with the happenings surrounding my Eid.

My 1st day of Syawal

Instead of making ketupat or lemang or rendang, I gave making soto a try. Spent about three hours in the kitchen on the eve of Eid. Hehe.
And soto was what we had on the first day of Syawal.

Mr Sunshine enjoying my home made soto !

After Mr Sunshine came back from Eid prayers, we had an emotional moment (hehe) when we took turns to salam each other and ask for forgiveness.
Without wasting any time and any more tears, we snapped some photos before I had to leave for work.

 The love of my life. 🙂

Mr Sunshine was such a sweetheart as he came to the pharmacy to see if I needed a hand. He helped dispensed medications to a few patients. 🙂
As soon as I was done with work, we rushed back home to change and then we were on our way back to Batu Pahat. For the first time in my life I could really enjoy and relate to Sudirman’s Balik Kampung song !

We arrived at my in-laws just after Maghrib. By then all the usual eve-and-morning-of-Eid excitement had fizzled and there were only two families of relatives left but getting to savour a plate of delicious ketupat, spicy rendang, delectable lodeh gravy and tasty peanut gravy was wonderful enough. 😀

 Oh yummy !

My 2nd day of Syawal

Following breakfast consisting of all the food pictured above, all of us (Mr Sunshine, my in-laws and I) started our beraya journey to Muar !
From Mr Sunshine’s paternal grandfather & grandmother’s grave to a string of aunts and uncles’ homes. All I had to do was salam people and eat and drink and eat and drink from day to night.

 Took a family photo before we left.
 Raya cookies !

Photo stolen from Mr Sunshine’s cousin, Ain’s camera. She’s the one in orange. 🙂

It was a pity one of Mr Sunshine’s two sisters, Liyana, or more affectionately called Angah, was not able to join us throughout our whole trip. She had to go back to KL on the first day of Eid as she had work. 🙁

3rd day of Syawal

Our beraya excursion continues ! This time to Kota Tinggi and Johor Bahru. Despite the hours of jam we had to endure from Kota Tinggi to Johor Bahru. I had a great time visiting Mr Sunshine’s cousins and maternal grandfather. 🙂
My dad in-law even treated all of us to a short ferry ride at Danga Bay !

With the ever so lovable, Syahieda. 🙂
 Awesome Mak. 🙂

4th day of Syawal

Mr Sunshine took me to the home of the pharmacist he used to work for during his retail attachment.
We squeezed in some time to run some errands for mum in-law, then he brought me to Dataran Batu Pahat to snap some photos until evening.

 The beautiful pink hijab was a gift from Diana. 🙂

I was so wrong when I thought the beraya session for the day has ended for.
After Isya’, the whole family joined a few other families to go to a few houses in the neighbourhood. My in-laws’ place happened to be the last house everyone went to, and by that time it was already past 2300 hours ! I had to excuse myself from the living room because I was yawning every few seconds. Hehe.

A sweet fact about the whole thing was, knowing that I do not drink tea/coffee/Milo etc, mum in-law requested plain water for me in every house we went to !
At the first few houses, I was really touched but as it went on, although I was still touched by her gesture, but I was getting a bit embarrassed and worried about what the host would think of me. Spoiled little daughter in-law ! Haha.
Note: Usually whenever I go to people’s houses where they serve tea, I would take a sip and ask Lene, Marc, Daddy or Mr Sunshine to finish the rest of the cup for me. There are also times when I just don’t take a sip at all, especially when it’s coffee or Milo. And I make sure I always have a bottle of plain water in the car. So this has never been a problem for me all my life.
But being the awesome mum in-law that she is, she just had to go the extra mile for me. :))))

5th day of Syawal

It was time to turn on Sudirman’s Balik Kampung song again, as Mr Sunshine and I drove back to Gombak after breakfast that morning. 🙂

The first house we went to after reaching home was the best friend, Akey’s place. I was beyond excited to see her and her mum and dad that I forgot to snap any photos of us. :'(

Since Angah could not join us during the weekend, we decided to bring Raya to her. Hehe. We picked her up after work and had dinner with her and gave her duit raya. Hehe.

I look so tired in this shot. Angah looks lovely, as usual ! 🙂

6th day of Syawal

Mr Sunshine and I drove to Kajang to pay Diana and Hanan a visit at their new abode. 😀
The place was soo beautiful ! It’s always fun meeting up and chatting with Diana.
I was sad that I was gonna miss their housewarming session the following weekend.

 Friends since we were 12 ! ♥

My Eid would not be complete without meeting up with my Baby Jumbo twin (you would not wanna know how we came up with that nickname), Annisa !

 This was before we were told we were not allowed to take pictures in the cafe. Haha. (Photo credits to Annisa)

While I was with Annisa at Solaris Mont Kiara, Mr Sunshine was meeting up with a friend of his too. 🙂
Annisa drove me home because she insisted that she took me to Empire Shopping Gallery, Subang to check the place out and get myself a box of macaroons.
There was a moment on our way home where our conversations came to a halt when she saw a, “Rainbow !!”. Hahaha.

 Did you think I would go on without putting up the picture of the rainbow ?
Me with my macaroons ! (Photo credits to Annisa)

7th day of Syawal (Malaysia Day)

We woke up kinda early that day, to go visit Mummy. Mr Sunshine took the lead in the short tahlil we had there. 🙂
Sayang, you’re the best.

Then we all got dressed up, and posed for some family photos which were sadly all a bit blurry. 🙁

Lene had a friend’s open house to attend, while the rest of us drove to my cousin, Abang Jai’s place in Sungai Buloh then to Aunt Leha’s place in Shah Alam. Candid shots of the men at Abang Jai’s place.

Due to us being extra busy stuffing ourselves with food, there were no photos snapped in Shah Alam except for these two.

 Daddy Candy. 🙂

We had to part ways with Marc after that because he had a work meeting to attend.
On our way home, we stopped by Amcorp Mall to get my BookXcess membership card and I treated Mr Sunshine and Daddy to A&W’s Rootbeer float. Yummmm !
Even though we only went to a couple of houses, we reached home quite late in the evening, all exhausted !
Did not know (over)eating could be so exhausting.

8th day of Syawal

We decided to take a break from all the food and outings and just rest at home before we leave for Kuala Berang. But after Zohor, I got a minute dose of window shopping and more food at One Utama with Lene and Mr Sunshine. 🙂

 The beautiful sister and I. 🙂

Last minute sugar treats before leaving for Terengganu. *drools* Daddy took a bite from the classic flavoured doughnut on the bottom right before I could take a photo ! And I told him to, “Put it back first, put back, put back, Daddy !” Hehe.

Mr Sunshine and I were back in Kuala Berang just after midnight that day.
And yesterday, we were both back at work. 🙂

I’d have to say that honestly, this is by far the best Eid I have ever had since Mummy left. Alhamdulillah.
I kinda feel bad saying this but when I think about it, I’m sure Mummy would want me to be happy, right ? Of course I would give anything to celebrate Eid with Mummy, but that’s impossible.
I have Allah SWT and Mr Sunshine, my family, in-laws and friends to thank for this blissful bubble that I am in now. Alhamdulillah.
But at the end of the day it all boils down to me, and I should really learn to appreciate the present, instead of dwelling in the past. 
Mummy will ALWAYS be in my heart and prayers. 🙂

I hope your Eid was as good as mine, or better. 🙂

How’s that for what seemed like a never-ending post ? Haha.
Goodnight all.
Have a good week. 🙂


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i got you babe.

I am having trouble falling asleep.
I do not know whether it’s because it’s that time of the month, or because I have became accustomed to feeling blue whenever Aidilfitri is nearing since Mummy left.

I am secretly afraid of not being able to programme myself to be happy around Mr Sunshine’s family at Raya. It’s not that they’re bad people or anything (they have been great, Alhamdulillah). But I guess this takes getting used to, because I have not even gotten used to Raya without Mummy around, plus the fact I have never been this far apart from my family my entire life.

Oh yeah, and I am having my period now which means I am not pregnant. Yet.
I know I have seemed pretty cool about it all this while but it’s really, really, really starting to get to me. Like, is there something wrong with me ? I feel like I am disappointing not only myself but everyone around me.
Mr Sunshine especially. 🙁

I am all torn up inside right now.

But as Mr Sunshine always say to me, “Semuanya datang dari Allah SWT.”
I know this is so cliche, but everything does happen for a reason.
I shall try not mope around this year during Raya.
I shall try not to worry about things I cannot control.
I shall try not to take insignificant people’s words or actions to heart.
I shall try not to stress myself up over petty things. – This one is the toughest of ’em all !

I should be appreciating the fact that this year will be the first year Mr Sunshine and I will be celebrating Aidilfitri as husband and wife. InshaAllah. Alhamdulillah.
And that I still have my family around even they are miles away. Alhamdulillah.

This better be just my hormones messing around with me.

I’ve gotta get to bed, Mr Sunshine and I have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.

P.S: Raya cookies status ? Almost gone. Hehe.

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they say time heals everything, but i’m still waiting.

Happy birthday Mummy.
You would be 60 if you were still around.
And tomorrow, it will be 4 years since you left us.
I miss you so much that it (literally) hurts, especially since it’s halfway through Ramadhan and Aidilfitri is just around the corner. :'(

This will be the fifth Aidilfitri we will be celebrating without you. I just can’t lie,but things will never be the same without you around.
Daddy misses you. He’s doing alright, but he’s alone for most parts of the day. I hope my transfer application will be approved as soon as possible so that I can be nearer to him. Ameen.
Marc’s doing good. He’s  a lot wiser now. You would be so proud of him, I know I am. He’s no longer naughty little Marc. 🙂
Marlene’s growing up to be a beautiful, smart and strong woman, just like you. She resembles you so much !
I am in the hands of a good man right now. Alhamdulillah.
It’s such a pity that he did not get to see how beautiful you were as a mother and a person.
I’m sure you would have loved him. He’s sweet and hilarious. 🙂
I have gained great new friends, and lost a few insignificant ones.
I have learned so much over these four years. Alhamdulillah.

There’s so much more that I want to tell you about.
I miss having you sit on the living room sofa and listen to me babble on and on.
Sometimes I have old videos with you in it on repeat just so I can listen to your voice.
I still cry myself to sleep at times, but Mr Sunshine is always there to the rescue. Alhamdulillah.

I miss you.
I miss you.


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mummy’s day.

(Photos credits to PostSecret)

Happy Mother’s Day Mummy.
I miss you more than anything.
♥ you. 

Happy Mother’s Day to my dearest mother in-law all the way in Batu Pahat and to all the wonderful mommies all over the world ! 🙂


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I burnt a huge hole in Mummy’s batik baju kurung while ironing it last night. :'(


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eh, dah raya ?

I can’t believe it’s Raya already !
Spent the last day of Ramadhan at home for buka with Marc and Lene.
After buka, we went out to pick Linn and headed to PKNS for a last minute baju kurung hunt.
I had no intention to buy one, but seeing the three of them getting themselves baju Melayu and kurungs, I ended up getting myself a pair too. It’s more of something I am planning to wear to work, not my baju Raya. Murah sahaja. 🙂
I am pretty content with wearing whatever I currently own.
Mr Sunshine dropped by to see me on his way back to Batu Pahat last Thursday night. He brought me a chocolate cake. *hearts smiles*
I was so moved.
I was happy.
I was sad as well.
I have to thank him for all his effort to pick me up.
Things have never been the same since Mummy left.
And who am I gonna kid, things will never be the same.
There would not be any more staying up to boil ketupats and blend ingredients for her rendang.
There would not be any more sneaking down to steal her home made cookies in the middle of the night.
There would not be any more open houses with her spaghetti, pizza, pandan lychee cake and awesome pineapple tarts.
There would not be any hanging of Raya cards and duit raya packets all around the house together.
There would not be any more baju kurung hunts together.
There would not be nagging from her to get the house cleaned up.
There would not be a chance for me to kiss her hands anymore.
There’s just no Raya.
But, Aidilfitri is a day of celebration and forgiveness.
I’m sure Mummy would want us all to stay happy.
I’m sure she knows that not a second goes by without her appearing in our thoughts, minds and prayers.
Things will never be the same, but they do not necessarily have to be bad, don’t they ?
I want to try to make this Aidilfitri better than the previous ones.
I need to crawl out of this emotional shambles.
Salam Aidilfitri 1430H.
Maaf Zahir dan Batin. 🙂
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