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Category: life

Yesterday was a good day

“Yesterday was a good day, Alhamdulillah,” I said to myself.

This was after days of feeling intense sadness every night, crying myself to sleep and the occasional intense chest heaviness I feel as I move throughout my days.

Those nights when I would cry & cry & cry, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when I feel so uninspired, so unmotivated that I sit and stare at my phone watching people pouring out passionate messages filled with excitement in WhatsApp, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when I cannot make eye contact with people and my body would literally shake anxiously, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when my body would freeze and be in so much pain that I cannot relax, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those days when I no longer look forward to working out – something I really enjoy doing, and wished I could sleep for days, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those moments when I feel like I am forced to smile and laugh, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

Those moments when I cannot stop my thoughts from racing, from only thinking that I am not good enough and I am undeserving, I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me??”

But now, I know.
I know what’s wrong with me.

It’s depression.
I have anxiety.

I somehow feel liberated to know that I do have a disorder.
And it’s not just ‘in my head’.
Well, it is in my head.
You get what I mean, do you?

If anyone of you reading this are going through the same, please seek help.
There is support available.

You do not have to suffer alone.

There are ways to go about these things.

But yesterday was a good day.

Alhamdulillah.

xoxo


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Khayla after 10 months at an Islamic Montessori

Alhamdulillah it has been 10 months since Khayla started attending an Islamic Montessori. Click here to read my previous update on this. 🙂

So, apart from her so-called toddler regression (which is under control now that Mr. Sunshine is sending her to school), I can say that she has been doing pretty good at school.

She tries to speak in English, and would sometimes ‘order’ me to do so too if I ask her to pass me something. “Saya tak nak bagi if Mummy tak cakap English and cakap ‘please’.”
Pffft, over tau ! Hehe.

She is trying to form more complex sentences and usually direct translates from Malay, like for example, “I want to go shop eat.”
I will praise her for trying but at the same time correct her. 🙂

She has also started to learn to read in English.
She is currently on book 3 of the Ladybird Read With Me series. Hers is the Tom and Kate version, I used to read about Peter and Jane when I was small. Ahh, the memories !

We try to read to her before she goes to bed every night.

islamic montessori
The Read with Me series which Khayla has been reading.

Alhamdulillah.

There are also swimming classes which Khayla attends once a week but I think she’s having mixed feelings about them. Two weeks ago, she actually told her teacher that her head hurts so she can’t swim.
(Of course Mr. Sunshine and I have reminded her that it is not good to pretend to be in pain for any reason at all.)

Lately, she has been showing interest in solat. She would keep telling me that she “nak solat,” and keeps asking me if it’s time to pray already. She memorizes the basics that need to be recited during prayers because she has learnt in at school during her Solat Dhuha sessions. She obviously has lots to pick up but she’s only four, so inshaAllah, in due time. 🙂

Khayla and her classmates are currently busy preparing for their annual school concert day next month. How exciting !! Looking forward to attend it (before or after I pop ! haha), InshaAllah.

Mr Sunshine and I have already paid the booking fee for next year’s session at the same kindergarten, so that just goes to show that we are satisfied with Khayla’s progress ! Yayyyyy ! Alhamdulillah. 🙂

xoxo

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Toddler Regression During Pregnancy

Before I go on, I just want to state that I am fully aware that Khayla is no longer a toddler. Hehe.

Since early last month (specifically after we went for the 3D scan), Khayla has been crying on and off at school especially when I drop her off in the mornings. She would hold on to me and cry, “Nak Mummy, nak Mummy !”.

Last week, she even ran out from her class to the gate as I was reversing my car to leave the school area. It took me about 15 minutes to console her. *nangis*

Her teacher and bibik have asked me whether anything had happened prior to her crying episodes but I reassured them that all is well at home. According to the bibik, there was one time she kept on sobbing until even when they performed solat Dhuha. *nangis*

Please bear in mind that this is all happening after 7 months of going to her montessori with no problems at all !
So I do not think it’s separation anxiety anymore.

Last Friday, Mr Sunshine decided that starting this week, he will be the one to send Khayla to school because dealing with her being emotional in the mornings affect my emotions too. Sedih Mummy tauuu.

But, yesterday morning I kissed her goodbye while she was still asleep, and to my surprise she immediately woke up and started crying, “Nak Mummy, nak Mummy,” again !
Even when I told her Ayah is around and that he will send her to school, she kept on crying and was clinging to me until our front door. *nangis*

People have been telling me that she is acting this way because I am pregnant and that it’s normal. I tried googling my problem up and came across a few articles which I think answers my queries.

So, apparently Khayla might be going through what they call toddler regression, and in her case it might be toddler regression during pregnancy.

Toddler regression is when your toddler starts acting like a baby, or extra clingy after months of independence.

According to Natasha Burgert (MD, FAAP, pediatrician at Pediatrics Associates in Kansas City, Missouri),

“You’ve done such a great job of creating a natural, healthy attachment with your older child that he’s feeling a bit ‘off’ due to the change in routine related to your pregnancy. Kids notice changes in the attention they’re provided. Toddlers regress in their behavior because they’re seeking normalcy. They’re trying to tell you to make sure that they get the attention they’ve been so used to getting.” (Source)

According to the What To Expect website, a toddler’s regression to babyhood (a time when he felt secure and close to you) may be caused by a number of factors:

  • It might be due to conflicting feelings about growing up (poor kids, so young and have to go through conflict !)
  • He may be feeling frustrated or overwhelmed by a developmental milestone
  • Reaction to a change or a stressful situation in his life, such as the arrival of a new sibling, starting preschool, or tension at home.

I spoke to Khayla’s principal last Friday evening, and even she mentioned that sometimes even though we might not think that our routine has changed but kids can notice even minute changes such as us being more tired than usual.

A couple of useful tips on how to handle toddler regression during pregnancy:

  1. Go ahead and baby your child. Let him cling, suck his thumb, or drink from a bottle (but fill it only with water). Not letting him slide back will only increase his desire to revert to babyhood and may prolong the phase. (Source)
  2. Heap on the love. Show him that he doesn’t have to act like a baby to get your attention. (Source)
  3. Doing your best to keep up your toddler’s routine — while taking care of yourself — is that best way to handle toddler regression. If you’re not up for a game of hide-and-seek. Do something else together. Read a book or play with cars or dolls. Keep in mind that a certain amount of regression during toddlerhood is completely normal, even if you weren’t expecting baby #2. (Source)

Any mothers out there who have experienced the same situation ?
I would appreciate your tips and advice.
Thank you in advance ! 🙂

xoxo

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