Not a day goes by without me feeling terrible TERRIBLE about not being able to fully breastfeed Khayla until at least 6 months. My milk supply has decreased tremendously(!) after I was down with fever and food poisoning a couple of weeks ago. These days, the amount I can express in a day is less than the amount I could express per session before ! The exhaustion from traveling back and forth from Gombak to Shah Alam everyday is also taking a toll on my milk supply. Khayla gets upset whenever she breastfeeds, because there’s just so little milk. To make matters worse, all the milk I have been collecting have gone down the drain because my freezer door wasn’t shut tightly a few days ago. :'(

Khayla is mostly on formula now.

It’s always heartbreaking to read harsh comments about mothers who don’t breastfeed their babies. Some people can be really mean, or perhaps I’m just being over-sensitive. I have nothing against mothers who feed their baby with formula milk, I’m just extremely disappointed with myself. I guess I had my hopes up too high.

I feel so inadequate.

I need to constantly remind myself that it’s ok to formula feed my baby. All my siblings and I were formula fed babies (after confinement).
I need to be grateful that I was able to fully breastfeed my baby for 4 months. Alhamdulillah.
I need to be thankful that Khayla is growing up healthily, tolerating milk and solids well.Alhamdulillah.

Dearest Dian Khayla, Mummy is terribly sorry for not being able to provide you with the best milk. I love you and I promise to provide you with the best of everything else. InshaAllah.

“Slowly, over time, I began to understand that my breastmilk was only one portion of Henry’s needs” (A Cup of Comfort for New Mothers: Stories that celebrate the miracle of life, 2009)

xoxo

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