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Category: emo

in charge.

Currently feeling: Empty
Currently listening to: Nothing


Yeah, right.

xoxo

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with all my heart.

Currently feeling: Okay
Currently listening to: Nothing

I hate work, with all my heart.

I love Saturdays, with all my heart.

I miss my boyfriend, with all my heart.

I miss my friends, with all my heart.

xoxo

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hello, D.I.S., may i help you ?

Currently feeling: Flabby
Currently listening to: Nothing

Hi all.
As most of you already know, I reported for duty at Jabatan Kesihatan Wilayah Persekutuan last Monday and got to know that I was to be doing my one year training at Hospital Putrajaya.
Even though it wasn’t such a big of a surprise, I received that confirmation news with mixed emotions.
Apart from the fact that I knew I had to travel quite a distance from home, the fact that the last time I was there, I didn’t quite like the impression the hospital left on me.
Just thinking about it made me all jittery and I almost wanted to cry and beg so that I was placed anywhere else besides there.
Oh sigh.

I wake up at 5 a.m every morning, leave the house at about 5.45 a.m to take the first LRT to Central Market where I would get on the Rapid KL bus to Putrajaya. Some of the Pharmacists suggested that I take the ERL but for the time being, I don’t think I can afford to fork out RM 30 everyday.
I take about 3 hours to get back home from work, due to the traffic, so by the time I do get back, all I feel like doing is sleeping and taking the rest of the week off.
Standing for 3 hours in the bus/LRT is not a laughing matter.

I might be moving in to a room in Putrajaya itself but only in November.
Until then, I guess I just have to endure the rough things.

I am in the Drug and Poison Information Service for this first month.
I officially started doing work last Thursday as the pharmacist in charge was on leave until yesterday. So, I had to sit in for her. I was extremely nervous.
I took too long to answer my first enquiry made by a staff nurse that when I got back to her, she had already checked with the medical officer.
I do more than answering enquiries. Basically I was the operator of the Pharmacy Department, transferring calls to whoever and jotting down messages.
There’s also lot of paperwork to do.

The other PRPs are OK.
I can say that we all are getting along pretty good so far.
There are 13 of us altogether, including the 3 from UIAM who started in August.
They’re also friends of a primary school friend of mine, Marjan, so that’s cool.

I would be sitting for my forensics exam on November 3.
I know I am gonna fail.

I should stop worrying too much.

Mr. Sunshine just got a place to stay in Kemaman. And also a fellow PRP (who reported for duty last Thursday).
I am so relieved that he has a friend now.
But he is still not too well.
Sobs.

I don’t think I am cut out to be a pharmacist.
I am stupid and slow.
And I am constantly in a state of distress, worrrying about not being able to be competent enough.

I dread going to work.

Darn it.

But I am glad it’s the weekend !

Sigh.

*UPDATE: This post was edited on Wednesday, October 22, 9:07 p.m. to avoid any future mishaps. *laughs*

xoxo

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raya ?

Currently feeling: Melancholic
Currently listening to: Falling Down – Muse

I believe this would be the second worst Raya ever.
The first (which goes without mentioning), was the year Mummy left.
This year I am having a hard time pinpointing why I can’t seem to get myself out of this dreary state I have been in for almost a week now.
Maybe it’s because I have finally graduated and she’s not here to witness it all.
Not here to celebrate with me. With us.
Maybe it’s because I had some plans for this Raya as I thought I would be earning already. I have failed in realizing any of them.
I yearn to decorate the house with pretty Raya cards like we used to.
I yearn to have visitors over without having to worry about how the house looks like or what we have to serve. She would have had everything taken care of.

These past few days have been awful.
I am starting to feel bad for my neighbours who I am pretty sure are very sick of having to listen to the sounds of a girl weeping uncontrollably while talking to her boyfriend in the middle of the night (every night).

As at now, tears are overflowing already !
I am hopeless.

I just want to be left alone this Raya, please.

Anyway, hope the rest of you are and will have a good time.
Salam Aidilfitri everyone.
Have a blessed Raya.

xoxo

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mati pecah.

Currently feeling: Frustrated
Currently listening to: Black Hole -Aqualung

Yesterday I managed to get a Commissioner for Oaths at Wisma Central to sign my statutory declaration form for no charge at all.
He said that since I’m just starting to work, it was on him.
Nice, huh ?
So I was feeling all gleefully and lucky and was about to brag about it to Mr. Sunshine when he told me that he got his done for free too.
*straight face*

Lene and I watched The Dark Knight while waiting for buka yesterday.
It was her first time watching it and the second for me.
I broke my fast in the cinema with water and my usual daily tablets.
We had Burger King after that.

I just came to know that we (my classmates and I) might only be reporting for duty after Raya.
That’s such a HUGE disappointment for me.
I have been a stay-at-home pharmacist for a month now and probably would continue to be one for another whole month (or more).
This whole thing sucks big time OK.
My brain cells are obviously half dead already from all the sleeping and nonsense I’ve been doing/reading online.
And not to mention that I am dead broke.
Siapa nak ajak saya keluar sila belanja saya, okay ? Thanks.

But next month is Ramadhan already, so I guess I should try focusing on other things to get my mind off this stupid mess.
Like praying and cooking.
I guess.

Who I am trying to kid ?
I AM SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED !

There.

Have a nice day, everyone.
*fake smile*

xoxo

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i taste blood.

Currently feeling: Pained
Currently listening to: Beautiful – India.Arie

Day Two post dental surgery, and my cheek has swelled up to its max.
Well, I hope this is the maximum because I wouldn’t want it to get any bigger.
I initially thought of uploading a photo of how I look like right now but I didn’t want any of you to die of a heart attack or of laughing too much.
So far, besides Daddy and Lene, Annisa and Mr. Sunshine (I sent my picture to them online) are the only people who have seen me in this puffed up (and painful) state.
Daddy and Lene actually made fun of how I look like.
I don’t blame them, I would make fun of me too.

Mr. Sunshine has been trying his very best to cheer me up.
I pity the poor guy for having to deal with my volatility and nonsense.

I taste blood the whole time.
Yucks.

It still hurts and it’s bloody damn uncomfortable.

I had Bubur Ayam McD last night and I had to mash the chicken pieces in it for me to be able to just suck them in.
I had two servings of ice cream too.
I wanted to have more because the pain and discomfort seemed to go away while I’m stuffing my mouth with ice cream but I don’t think my throat would be too happy.

I haven’t had anything (yet) to eat today.
Daddy insists that I should eat something so he’s going to get me the porridge again.
I have been taking my antibiotics without food. So much for showing a good example as a pharmacist.
I wish I could chew on raisins (nyum !) or finish that bar of Van Houten (nyumm nyummm !) in the fridge !

I weighed in at 51 kgs after I had my bath an hour ago.
I was 55 kgs two months ago. 48 kgs a year ago (sigh), 60 kgs five years ago (I know, crazy right ! The ex lah, sumbat me with everything and anything edible !), not that it mattered to any of you lah kan *edited* any of you are keeping count lah kan.
Anywayyy, I believe that the weighing scale is trying to play tricks on me.
OK maybe not, but I’m sure to put on weight as soon as I can take solid food again so I’m not gonna jump in joy. Not that I can jump, anyway.
I can’t even walk up and down the stairs without the impact hurting me.
The last time I had a workout was last Monday morning before the surgery.
Two days without exercise is making me feel flabby.
Ergh.

Please remind me to never go for any kind of surgery in the future.
I don’t think I have the patience for all this.

Or maybe I am just extremely bored.
And subconsciously hungry.

Does this qualify as an emo post ?

xoxo

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bumming.

Currently feeling: Annoyed
Currently listening to: Brightly Wound – Eisley

I dozed off the minute I got back from Jusco.
Daddy, Lene and I went there for dinner right after I got off work just now.
I was supposed to exercise, not sleep.
The after effect of that is I am feeling pretty very shitty right now.
And FAT.

I have two more days before I can start bumming at home which is something I am so looking forward to.
I doubt I’d ever have a chance to do anything of that sort once I start working.

Still no news about the posting whereabouts or date.
I hate waiting OK.
Just let us know lah kan !

It’s bloody warm tonight.
Ergh.

xoxo

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stretch marks.

Currently feeling: Anxious
Currently listening to: Back To Black – Amy Winehouse

Hi all.
As some of you might know, I have experienced a very somewhat traumatic experience with drains a huge drain.
For those of you who don’t have any idea about what I’m referring to, please click here.
So yeah, as a result, I have became a person who would rather take the long route around drains than walk across them.
But today, in an attempt to chase a customer who stupidly took the merchant copy of her credit card receipt, I ran, yes ran across the road and, JUMPED across a HUGE drain !
I JUMPED.
When it hit me that I just did what I did, and my heart started racing so fast I thought I was gonna collapse. I’m not joking, okay.
Who knew I could leap like that, eh ? You guys should have seen me in action. Haha.
But no worries, I’m alive and still in one piece. No bruises whatsoever. Hee.

I tried squeezing myself into my gold (coloured) kebaya earlier tonight.
The top fitted (it always did), but this time I managed to fit into the sarong.
(Okay, so I can’t really recall whether I could fit into the sarong the last time I tried it on lah actually) I was feeling on top of the world when I could zip the sarong up, but (I hate buts), I realized that I couldn’t walk, sit or, erm, breathe with it on, if not the zippers would just snap.
Sigh.
More work to be done on these humongous hips of mine.
That would be my goal then, to fit into my kebaya’s bottom without being stick thin.
I love my curves.
Did I just type that ?

The downside about losing (and gaining) weight is the stretch marks that come with the pengembangan and penguncupan of my body.
They’re disgustingly everywhere.
There you have it, one good reason for men not to date me.
I have stretch marks, guys.
Oh, and cellulite too.

Okay, enough body bashing.

Zana told me that the UIAM pharmacy graduates have already gotten to know where they will be posted.
A friend of mine (who is a graduate too) told me the same thing.
They’d be reporting for work on August 1.
So early hah !
Gosh I’m soooo anxious !

Sigh.

It would be perfect if I had a tub of ice cream with me now.
With nuts.
And chocolate fudge.

xoxo

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simple.

Currently feeling: Fat
Currently listening to: Music Box – Mariah Carey

Sometimes I tend to worry too much to the extent that I start thinking about the unthinkable.
Thinking about the unthinkable gets me all agitated and stressed up.
If only my brain could take a break, have a Kit Kat or something.

I had a terribly boring day at work today.
The weather was gloomy and so was my mood.
I avoided making small talk with anyone today.
I just sat at one corner, with not very pleasant thoughts running through my head.
It literally gave me a headache.

I want to get married.
I honestly do.
Who’s interested ?

Chocolate is what I need now.
Or maybe I just need sleep.

Have you ever wished things were simpler ?

xoxo

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short messaging system.

Currently feeling: Angry/Sad/Irked
Currently listening to: Nothing

Hello.
My day today sucked with a capital S.
*fake smile*
That is all.
Thank you.

xoxo

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