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Category: emo

miss you already.

Currently feeling: Blue
Currently listening to: Nothing

I am just in no mood to do anything except sit in my room and sleep. And maybe cry a bit or a lot. Who cares, right ?
Mr Sunshine is on his way back to Terengganu (he was already in Kemaman the last time I checked and that was about half an hour ago) and I am extremely sad.
We did not get to spend much quality time together this time around, we met last night (Friday) at around 8 pm as I got off work pretty late and he had to settle a couple of things pertaining to his car earlier in the day.
He helped me moved most of my things into my new room, then we had a late dinner, and before we knew it, it was today (Saturday) and he had to send his car to the tint shop which took fucking 4 hours to finish as there were many cars in line. We were stuck there the whole time.
Then he had to leave early to avoid arriving too late as he’s working tomorrow.
I despise this feeling.
All the anticipation I had the whole month, pushing through every single day knowing that it brings me a day closer to being able to be in his arms again.
But it all just has to end so fast. And I have to wait for another month (or more) before we can see each other again.
I hate kissing his hand before he leaves.
I hate the sad stare he gives me. I believe he does not know it’s noticeable.
I hate that I already miss him (tremendously !!) just seconds after he leaves.
I hate the fact that he has to leave !

This is seriously depressing.

xoxo

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isolation.

Currently feeling: Dispirited
Currently listening to: Nothing

So it has begin.
Sigh.
It’s a sad fact that running away is not an available option.
Double sigh.

I hate that it’s affecting my social life.
I am starting to feel like curling up in my bed and detaching myself from everyone.
Daily tear-filled phone calls to the boyfriend have also started.
I despise this side of me.

This is only temporary. But it’s already feeling like forever.
I can do this.
Can I ?

I wished I was as strong as you, Mummy.

xoxo

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all cried out.

Currently feeling: Sleepy
Currently listening to: Nothing

I have two more days at Tanglin and on Friday I’ll be back in Putrajaya.
I am trying my very best to keep my spirits up.
I am starting to think my best is barely enough.

Chocolates are evil.
Not only do they give you that much needed orgasmic endorphin rush, they also leave you (okay, maybe only me) with this huge guilt of having consuming so much of them.
Bad chocolate, bad !

It has been almost a year since Mr. Sunshine and I got together. A month to it being a year, actually.
It’s hard to believe as I never thought we would even pass the six months mark. I mean, I was still hung up over the ex when we first got together, I thought it was gonna be (another) rebound relationship.
But, Alhamdulillah. *heart smiles*

I bumped into Heikal last Friday when I was out with Mr. Sunshine. We exchanged hugs and had a short talk.
It was good to meet him after all that had happened.
It’s nice to know we are still on talking (and hugging) terms.

I have people telling me that I have to be more thick-skinned.
I need a lesson or two on how.

My PMS symptoms are slowly dissipating. I think.
I’m back to my normal moody self.

xoxo

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reverse.

Currently feeling: Moody
Currently listening to: Nothing


I absolutely do not know how to park a car.

I took a good 15 minutes reversing and driving into a parking space to adjust my parking but it all proved futile.
About 5 cars thought I was reversing to get out of the space and started turning on their signals to park at my spot. I kept waving at them to let them know I was not going out but I guess they could not see. I think it’s the window tint.

In the end, I put on a huge pout and and turned to the boyfriend and (almost) screamed, “Tolonglah park kan !!!!

Dah tak reti nak park nak marah marah orang lain kan.
Mesti lah weyh. Takkan nak marah diri sendiri macam orang gila.


He took about a few seconds to get the car straight and in the box.
Am I that dumb ?

Sigh.

xoxo

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steer away from me.

Currently feeling: Moody
Currently listening to: Nothing

My menses is due soon and I have been PMS-ing terribly for the past couple of days.
The boyfriend came down to see me (I love him !) last Friday.
Apart from his attempt to stuff me with food all the time, we watched Bride Wars yesterday night and the movie sort of triggered my already active lacrimal glands. I was bursting with tears while saying things like, “I want a best friend like that ! I don’t even have a best friend ! Mummy wanted to be at my wedding, my convocation ! I miss her. I don’t know how to live without her !” etc etc etc.

-____________-

And after the movie, we bumped into the brother and his girlfriend, my cousin and a few other friends at Murni. My eyes were still swollen and my nose was still red (obviously) from all the unnecessary crying I did, that my brother asked me what was wrong with me.
I just told him that a movie got me a bit emotional.
Well, it was true lah.

Then after sending the boyfriend off at Hentian Putra this afternoon, I was back to crying again.
I suddenly felt so alone.
So down that even my chest hurt.

I got back and read an email that was sent to me a few days ago and started crying (this time while cursing) again.

This is sure exhausting !

xoxo

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274.

Currently feeling: Sleepy
Currently listening to: Sunday – Sia

Hi all.
Gosh. How long has it been ? Three weeks ? Almost eh.
I apologize for abandoning this space for such a long time.
It’s just that I have been having trouble letting my thoughts out.
Every post I start to write ends up being saved as drafts for some reason.

But nothing much has happened since I last blogged, though.
I started work at Tanglin and I can genuinely say I am loving the place despite having to take a 20 minute walk to and fro from the LRT station. The people there are super nice, super kind, super helpful, super sweet. Just super. Unlike you know where.

Barath turned 23 on the 20th and we all (well, almost all) got together for dinner at La Bodega, Bangsar and after that adjourned to Telawi Street Bistro for some dancing and Barath smashing. I loved the ambience at La Bodega and the food was yummy too. Telawi Street Bistro was nice as we had the lounge all to ourselves. We were out until pretty late but it was a good night. Some pictures are ahead. I stayed over at Feli’s that night and headed home the following day. I wanted to stay a bit later but I had to attend Kak Shena’s wedding later that afternoon.

The Birthday Boy.


Kak Shena’s wedding (she was my senior in high school) was just sooo beautiful !

As usual the whole family and I spent Christmas at Aunt Thelma’s place.
I can honestly say that I stuffed myself with enough turkey and devil curry to last me for a month.
Faiz, Faizal and us went karaoke-ing for a bit in the afternoon.

Karaoke !


I bumped into an old close friend a couple of weeks ago and got to know that he relationship was on the rocks again.
A series of unbelievable shitty events happened since we met and now they are broken up for good. I hope.
I was absolutely speechless (I still am, actually) for I have never met and witnessed a person who thinks so highly of himself.
Aku memang handsome. Aku memang hebat. Aku memang perfect. WTF ?!
Mind you that he is not good looking (at all!) and has nothing. No sound career, no friends, no nothing. All he owns is his exceptionally great lying, cheating and flirting skills.
To make a long story short, he want this friend of mine to lose weight. He thinks she’s fat, ugly and is a loser. He actually said those things to her, among other nasty things. Jerk, no ?
I am not even sure jerk is the appropriate term for him. What’s worse than a jerk ?
You would not believe what she had to endure for the past TEN years of being with him.
She (no matter how she has been to me in the past) deserves way better.
Being with her reminded me so much of what I went through.
I hope she takes me as proof that she can get through this (very) rough patch.
If I can, anyone can.

I am now an owner of a brand new Saga. Alhamdulillah. I received it on Boxing Day and am still thinking of what to call it/her/him.
I love my license plate number. 274 ! Such a cool coincidence OK. Ha, tak ingat lah tu ! *raises an eyebrow*
I swear it was not planned or bought or anything !
I only drove it/her/him for the first time today. Marc brought me to Putrajaya for driving lessons and practice.
I suck.
I would say that I am a bit better than before.
But I still suck and I would not trust myself to drive it/her/him out of Sri Gombak.

Another year has passed, here’s to another 12 months filled with love, happiness, success, smiles and Allah’s blessings. InsyaAllah, Aamin.
Salam Maal Hijrah 1430 everyone.

xoxo

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lock your doors, people !

Currently feeling: Stuffed
Currently listening to: Nothing

While I was on the phone with Mr. Sunshine, I received a text message last night from one of my housemates at about 11 p.m saying that our apartment has been broken into. My heart stopped beating for a second.
I started thinking about the Saturday night that I spent there alone. I was literally shaking.
At the same time I felt lucky that I decided to pack up and leave for Gombak that Sunday evening after work itself and not wait until Monday morning.
I felt like crying, for reasons I myself cannot comprehend.
Marc, Lene, Linn and I immediately drove to Putrajaya.
A few police officers were there, they were the one who let me into the apartment to check on my room. I was told to just look around and identify whether anything valuable was missing and not touch anything.
It seems that they did not have much trouble getting into the apartment. The main door was not broken or anything.
My room was a total wreck. The door knob was broken.
My clothes were thrown all over. My books. My bags and even my mattress.
The only thing that was in its place was my shoe rack.
They even emptied my pencil case, in hopes of finding cash I think.
They did not take anything except for my RM10 note that I always have stashed in between my clothes for emergency purposes.
I was surprised that they did not even take my Fossil watch. Alhamdulillah.
One of my housemates lost her phone, and another lost her ring.
I guess they did not get away with anything much.
I am still slightly shaken.
I thank God that none of us were at home when it happened.
I thank God that I left the lights on when I was there alone last Saturday night.
I thank God that I decided to bring ALL my valuables back home.
I thank God that I decided not to stay back that Sunday night.
And although I’d be in Gombak for the next two months, can you blame me for not ever wanting to go back to Putrajaya ?

I took the day off today.
I was supposed to start working at Klinik Kesihatan Tanglin.
I’d be going tomorrow.
I would be taking the LRT to Pasar Seni then I’d be walking to the clinic.
Lene helped me find in finding the routes I can use to get to the clinic from the station. There are two different routes that I can use, one involves crossing a main road and walking uphill and the other would mean walking through the underpass where Audrey Melissa Bathinathan was raped and murdered almost ten years ago.
I have yet to decide which way to use. I’ll just go with how I feel tomorrow morning.

Have any of you been to Central Market recently.
I know I might sound like a jakun but that place has realllllly changed tremendously.
I was in total awe. You could ask Lene if you did not believe me.
But given the fact that the last time I was there was about 7 years ago, I should not be so surprised.
But it’s sooooooooooo different.
The toilets are actually nice and clean !

Mr. Sunshine’s car has been giving him some serious problems.
SIGH.
It breaks my heart that he’s all the way there, alone.
I am thinking of paying him a visit to lift his spirits up a bit but I am not sure when or whether Daddy would let me go alone.
Sobs.

People, please be careful.
Please make sure all your doors and windows are locked at all time.
If you’re inside, make sure you can lock it from the inside too.
Keep your lights on if you plan to leave the house for quite some time.
It helps if you could let your neighbours know that you’d be away and ask them to check on your house every now and then.
But then again, these days, you cannnot seem to trust anybody.
I do not even trust the guards at my place.
Sigh.
Whatever it is, just be extra careful.

Wish me luck tomorrow !
I hope the people there are nice.

xoxo

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weekdays, be gone !

Currently feeling: Sad
Currently listening to: Be Strong – Fefe Dobson

I can’t believe it’s already Sunday.

I have been pretty occupied since last Friday.
Mr. Sunshine drove down to be with me on my hunt for a kebaya (for my convocation) last Friday, to watch Quantum of Solace along with Diana and her fiancee, Hanan that same night, plus to go to Eizera’s wedding and Annisa’s 25th birthday party yesterday.

I feel awful as I know he must be very exhausted from the all that travelling (and all the above), but I still had to put him through my sudden bursts of tears every now and then.
Oh sigh.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart,
awak.

I wished he did not have to go back.

I wished I do not have to work so that I could just follow him wherever he goes.
Now I know that’s a bit irrational, but I abhor my working environment so much that there is not a single moment that goes by without me thinking of quitting.
Sigh.

I am happy that two of my closest friends, Diana and Annisa have finally been introduced to Mr. Sunshine.

Quantum of Solace was not as good as Casino Royale, in my opinion. It did not suck though. Come on lah, how can it suck when it has Daniel Craig in it ? *drools*

I was glad to be able to meet up with some of my classmates at Eizera’s wedding, and to hear that most of them are actually enjoying their work.
Good for them.
The wedding was lovely.

Annisa’s birthday party was sweet although Mr. Sunshine and I had to make an early exit (we did not even get to eat the birthday cake !). Annisa was gorgeous as usual.
Happy Birthday darling !

Photos are being uploaded on my Facebook as I am typing this, and as I am not in the mood to resize them right now, I would not be uploading them here anytime soon.

I
need my Gombak people.
They always know how to lift my spirits up, even if it was just for one night.

I hate Mondays.
And Tuesdays.
And Wednesdays.
And Thursdays and Fridays.
*vomits blood*

Gosh, this blog is in dire need of a happy post.
Unfortunately I don’t see that happening for the next 11 months, at least.
*dies*

Okay, bye.

xoxo

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passive.

Currently feeling: Low
Currently listening to: Good Morning – India.Arie

I just moved in to my room in Presint 11 yesterday afternoon.
So this morning would be the first day of work on which I did not have to wake up at 5 a.m.
It is definitely much much much less tiring albeit the stress level being the same.
I go to work with Nor, another fellow PRP from UIAM who is a friend of my ex primary schoolmate. I think I mentioned that before, didn’t I ?
She (Nor) lives in the same building, just four floors below the floor I live on.

Work has been so-so lah.
The out-patient department is busy most of the time and I am so bloody slow in screening the prescriptions. Although some of the FRPs tell me that it’s normal to be slow in the beginning, I cannot help but feel like the dumbest person there.
Sigh.

Hold on.
There’s an incoming call from Mr. Sunshine !

OK. I think he is mad at me for not having anything substantial to eat today.
I had biscuits awhile ago and I am not the least hungry at all.
I had dinner yesterday and I still feel stuffed.
Plus all I can think of right now is going to bed.

It is pretty cool to have a room all to myself.
There are a few more things I need to buy for this room. But all that has to wait until I get my second pay. I have not even gotten my first, and there’s already so much future spending to do, and not to forget debts to pay.
*dies*

OK, I am not exactly in a very good mood right now (when am I ever in a good mood, you might ask, but I do have my happy spurts).
I have realized that the more people I get to know, the more I learn that we are all surrounded by a good bunch of insensitive assholes.
It doesn’t matter how smart you are (or how smart you think you are), there is a HUGE difference between positive criticism and demotivating remarks.
You don’t just lash out at someone just because she’s soft spoken or not as aggressive as you are. You’ve got to face the fact that some of us are slower than others, not stupid, just slower.
And at your age, shouldn’t you already know that each and every one of us come with different characters and personality ? Not everyone are extroverts like you.
To see you undermining someone (who I happen to know all this while as quite a jovial person) to the point of them breaking down is absolutely absurd.
Are you aware about what other people think about you or what they say about you behind your back ?
You (and whoever’s in the same league) are just ridiculous.
Sheesh.

Lene will be sitting for her SPM starting tomorrow !
I know she’ll do awesome. *smiles*
All the best little sister !
I know she’s 17, but she’ll always be my little sister.

Have a good week ahead, people.
Goodnight.

xoxo

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assistant head.

Currently feeling: Nauseated
Currently listening to: Nothing

On Monday, I was elected as the Assistant Head of the PRPs. Why they need an assistant head ? Beats me.

On Tuesday, my head did not hurt. It felt good. It was on that day too which I found out that the current tenant in the apartment I’m supposed to be moving into next month have decided not to move out. *straight face*

On Wednesday (today), our Pharmacy Department had a Jamuan Aidilfitri. I was responsible for preparing the drinks for the guests. Unfortunately, it was too sweet for their liking. *blushes*
Oh, my head did hurt.
Sigh.

xoxo

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