anx·i·e·ty   [ang-zahy-i-tee]
–noun, plural -ties.
1. distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune: He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.
2. earnest but tense desire; eagerness: He had a keen anxiety to succeed in his work.
3. Psychiatry . a state of apprehension and psychic tension occurring in some forms of mental disorder. source

At 30 weeks pregnant, I am plagued with anxiety 24-7.

I am starting have second thoughts about delivering my baby in a government hospital, no thanks to my brief yet traumatizing (haha) maternity ward admission last week.

I doubt I am capable to withstand the pain which comes along with labour. I have a wayyy low pain threshold.
I am afraid that I would not be able to stop myself from screaming in pain and the nurses/doctor would get annoyed and angry at me and I would get depressed and that would lead to me not having enough energy to push and………………………….

I am unsure whether I have it in me to be a good mother. I have never been good with babies. I don’t even know the proper way to hold a newborn ! *gasps*
Don’t get me wrong, I love babies, but I have never actually had to take care of one.

Ok, I should stop over-thinking things.

But these concerns of mine are normal, right ? RIGHHHHTTTTTT ??

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Mr. Sunshine has been away in Kelantan since yesterday and will only be back this Thursday, InshaAllah. As he goes on these work trips pretty often, I have gotten quite used to staying home alone.
This time around, I am slightly nervous, especially because my hospital bag is only halfway ready. We have packed all of the baby’s necessities but as far as my essentials are concerned, there are a few more things I need to add in the bag.

Baby’s clothes washed and dried. This is just to show how cute and tiny they are !! Hehe.

Baby’s essentials
7 pieces of disposable diapers DONE
2 pairs of rompers DONE
1 pair of long sleeved top & bottom DONE
1 bottle of telon oil DONE
I pack of baby wipes DONE
1 piece of a hooded baby towel DONE
1 piece of a hooded baby blanket DONE
2 sets of mittens & booties DONE
1 set of baby toiletries DONE
1 piece of baby binder (I wonder if I should pack more) DONE
3 pieces of washcloths DONE

Mummy’s essentials
2 pairs of blouses –
1 pair of socks DONE
2 pieces of kain batik DONE
3 pieces of nursing bras
1 pack of disposable panties (not too sure whether this will be enough) DONE
Toiletries – cleanser, toothbrush, toothpaste DONE except for my cleanser.
1 Towel DONE
1 pack of maternity pads (I packed my normal sanitary pads) DONE
1 pack of disposable breast pads DONE
1 sweater – I can’t fit any of my sweaters anymore ! Haha.
1 instant hijab
Surah Yasin
Antenatal checkup record book

Apparently I should have been done with the packing and the bag should be in the trunk of my car or somewhere near my house door, you know, just in case. *starts to panic*

I should give my back & head a rest right now before I hurt myself.
Goodnight.

xoxo