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Category: emo

i have a confession to make.

I weeped for more than an hour after Brazil lost last night. 

I’m not kidding you.


Ok bye.


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tiga malam.

Ok so Mr Sunshine just left.
I am feeling blue already. πŸ™
To add to my pain, he just told me that he might be away for THREE nights instead of two.

I wish my family and friends weren’t as far away as they are now. :'(


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get over it.

In times like this, I just miss how things used to be.

It’ll pass.


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debit and credit.

How did your Thursday go ?

Mine was going pretty well until I received some not so happy news from the brother.
I won’t be disclosing what it is about here though.
Suffice to say that it’s not something you can just get over in a matter of days. πŸ™

Then I got to know Mr Sunshine has been vomiting since this afternoon.
Everything he ingests just comes right back out. πŸ™
He’s ok now Alhamdulillah.

Then my peep toe pumps Mr Sunshine bought for me as my wedding hantaran tore.
I’ve had my shoes die on me so many times before this, but this one is kinda sentimental lah. πŸ™
Brings me back to the time when I lost my beautiful Vincci sandals Mummy bought for me when I was in UiTM.

I wanted to pay for my groceries using my credit card just now, but the cashier told me it was declined.
Then I remembered that the same thing happened two weeks ago at the airport.
I definitely have not maxed out my card, and I have been paying religiously every month, so the bank told me I will be receiving a replacement card within 7 to 10 days.

But then..
β€œAllah does not burden a soul more than it can bear.”
Surah Al-Baqarah 2: 286

So, Alhamdulillah.
InshaAllah everything will be okay. πŸ™‚

Things were definitely okay when Noor and I were at McDonald’s just now. Hehe.
Thanks dear, next time I belanja you ok. πŸ™‚

My in-laws will be coming over this weekend. That’s good news too. πŸ™‚

Well, except for the part where there’s MAJOR cleaning up/washing etc etc to do !

Wish us luck !


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fake and cheats.

This week has been pretty crappy.

I had all these questions which I had no answers to.
I had anger and vengeance all bottled up in me.
I even snapped at a co-worker.
That’s not like me.

I was am not happy.
And it was tough faking smiles every day.

I received a remark that implied as if my marriage is BORING because we don’t have kids of our own yet.
I happen to believe that my married life is a-okay (Alhamdulillah), but it’s those kind of idiotic comments that sometimes make this brain of mine wonder whether there IS something not right.
I seriously do not get people who like to poke their noses into other people’s private business.
Don’t they believe in God ?

I also received a remark that I have gained weight and my behind is all jiggly.
So ?
In the first place, why the hell are you staring at my behind ??
Secondly, my husband happens love every jiggly part of me so if you’ve got a problem with it, I suggest you solve it yourself.

I have been laughed at TWICE (by two different persons) for apparently trying to speak in Terengganu dialect.
Go kill yourselves lah ok.
I do not laugh at you people when you make stupid simple grammar mistakes, right ?
“Just now I was sleepy, now I was not sleepy.”
What’s that ?
And the last thing I want to do here is to try to speak the way you do.

I hate being bossed around by someone who’s not even my boss.
I have always believed that there are proper ways to speak to people regardless of their status. They did not come up with the word “please” for nothing you know.
And there’s something they call manners. Look it up.
If you can change, people would stop talking behind your back.

A friend of mine confided in me about her marital problems.
It moved me because I was brought back to what happened to me in my previous relationship (not with Heikal). The circumstances were similar except that in hers, no serious cheating had taken place. Yet.
I don’t know why I am still lugging around those emotions with me now.

I despise people who think that I am making a gazillion worth of money.
“Eleh, baru RM500, kan ada lagi RM3000 gaji tu.”
Oh really ? I wished you knew that I still have my dad, my brother, and my sister to support ?
I also have a car and personal loan to pay off, and myself to support.
The stupidity does not stop there, they can even go on to say, ” Ala, suami kan ada gaji banyak juga.”
OMG can you people please stop being ridiculous ??
He also still has to provide for his parents and siblings. And of course, he has other responsibilities and commitments. And I am not the type of wife who would simply ask for cash without valid reasons.
So, if I say I do not want to buy this and that because they’re expensive, I would like you to shut the f*** up.

I hate it here.



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Mr Sunshine was supposed to be at work at 0730 hours today.
Which means he has to leave home by 0630 hours.

Guess what time this wife of his woke up ?

0630 hours.

I did not hear my alarm go off at six ! :'(

I feel awful.
I feel like a lousy wife.
No, Mr Sunshine is not and was not mad at me at all.


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twists and (re)turns.

It’s so unbelievable that you are so oblivious to the fact that almost everyone talks shit bad about you.
You are so special to them that they even came up with a moniker for you.
It’s incomprehensible how you can go on doing what you do when everyone around you are slogging their arses off.

I am slowly starting to despise you.
I hope I do not turn into a hypocrite.


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you’re a selfish piece of crap.

Dreadful with a capital D.
That was how today felt like.

I’m starting to have thoughts about getting out of here.


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goodbye my friend, it’s not the end.

Yes, that’s a line from the Spice Girls’ song.

I’d be attending a two-day Ward Pharmacist (Clinical) Documentation Workshop in Hospital Sultanah Nur Zahirah (HSNZ), Kuala Terengganu starting tomorrow.
I get to hitch a ride with Mr Sunshine. Yay !

The past two days have been hectic, felt as if I barely had time to breathe.
Banyak kerja !

Things were not so rosy in the emotions department too.
Some people kept pressing the wrong buttons, resulting in me being very cold and agitated.
I also got to know that one of my colleagues, Nur Amalina (affectionately called Ina), who I am close to is leaving this Thursday.
Going back to HUSM, Kelantan.
Which means she will no longer be working at the hospital. :””(

The only photo I have of Ina and I. πŸ™

She and I had grown to be so close in the span of 5 months that I have been here.
Besides sharing secrets, gossips and heart to heart conversations, cracking silly jokes, we were always discussing about new cases, patients (read: work) and she is just always there whenever I needed a helping hand.
She lives in the unit just below me, and we go out together sometimes, she (and her hubby !) looks out for me whenever I am unwell and whenever Mr Sunshine’s not around.
Even the Pharmacy Assistants have told us we look like we’d make good best friends.
I’d definitely be missing the presence of such a good, trustworthy, kind-hearted, sweet and funny friend and co-worker !

This is sad.
And of course I cried. I still can cry now, if you want me to. :p
But I am definitely happy for her.
I wish nothing but the best for her future, especially for the 18-week old foetus she’s carrying around now. πŸ˜‰
I pray she’d be strong enough to face any obstacles and challenges at her new workplace.

Ok I’m gonna go sit and mope for a bit.


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i need that drive.

Warning: Boring/whiny post ahead. 

It has been 2 and a half months since I got married.
Which means I have gone more than 2 and a half months without working out.

It has not done me any good, my clothes are getting tighter.
It doesn’t help that nowadays I eat every day, breakfast, lunch AND dinner.
Sometimes supper too !
I enjoy eating with my Mr Sunshine. πŸ™

I don’t want to end up a woman who just lets herself go after she gets married.
Nor do I want to go back to how I looked like half a decade ago.

When I was looking like the above photo, people were still convincing me that I was not fat.
Can you see the amount of fat on my cheeks ?!
Eeee so fugly !

I have grown to look like this now.

It’s a good thing I’m all covered up now, so you cannot exactly see all the rolls and flab underneath. Haha.
It pains me to go through old photos of myself and to stumble upon photos like this.

Or this.

I desperately want need to go back to looking like that !

Not only for the sake of fitting into my clothes, but also for my own health.
I want to be fit and healthy for Mr Sunshine.
InshaAllah, when and if I have kids, I want to be able to play and run after them with ease.
I do not want to be panting after walking up one flight of stairs. 

Allow me to clarify, I am at currently still at a normal weight for my height, and I have an ideal body mass index.
My tops are mostly S or M in size.
But I still am not as fit and toned as I was before.

Gone are the days when I could exercise for two to three hours straight.
I tried exercising last Sunday, but I could not even bring myself to finish the whole DVD.
Although I probably worked a minuscule amount of muscle, my butt cheeks and inner thighs were so sore on the following Monday !
I used that as an excuse not to exercise.
And I only resumed exercising this evening !

Exercising twice a week won’t get me anywhere near my old body. :'(

I need more motivation.
I need that drive.

I love exercising and how it empowers me, but..




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