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Category: emo

i feel like quitting my job.

Seriously, that’s how I have been feeling for the past two weeks.
Mr Sunshine has received two text messages from me telling that, “Saya seriously nak berhenti kerja !” while I was at work.
I don’t know what has gotten into me, but lately I have not been able to handle all the stress at work so well.
It could be due to the recent going ons in my life, with Daddy being unwell, with the distracting pain I have been enduring and of course, work itself.

Even one minuscule thought about work can make me soooo tensed up, I get worried that I might go crazy.
Take this morning for example, I woke up and work was the first thing that crossed my mind, I felt all the muscles in my body tighten while I stared at the ceiling trying to calm myself down.

I can burst into tears any time right now.

I’m happy for those of you who are at peace with your respective jobs and love doing it day in day out but I just can’t say the same for myself.

I do not know how long I can go on faking smiles.



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i don’t want to be here.

Our modem decided to die on us last Sunday, so I’m blogging from my phone again.
We’ll get a replacement modem by Saturday. Well that’s what the guy at the IT store told Mr Sunshine.
No stable internet connection = no blog hopping = no Facebooking = no tweeting.
I was on medical leave yesterday and today because of this persistent headache that has been bugging me. For these past two days, I have been popping analgesics, rubbing axe oil all over my head and oversleeping.
I overslept to the extent I missed a call from my colleague this morning who wanted to check if I could come in to work today as her uncle passed away.
I only found out about it late this afternoon after I woke up. I’m feeling quite terrible now thanks to that. :'(
I have so much on my mind right now, but since I’m having my menses, I think it’s just my hormones taking me for a ride.
So I’ll keep my thoughts to myself.

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all in good time.

I just wasted a bucket worth of tears and two days feeling miserable.

I was walking back from work last Thursday when I decided to give the Ministry of Health’s HR department a call. The minute I found out that both Mr Sunshine and my transfer applications were KIV-ed and that the next meeting to reconsider our applications would be at the end of the year, it was as if someone just hit me on the head but I did not feel pain.
I was in a daze.
I sat on the chair in my living room staring into space for about half an hour.
Then the tears started to fall. :'(
So many thoughts were running through my head, about Daddy and how cruel I thought the decision was because I submitted Daddy’s IJN doctor’s letter along with my application, about work and how it’s slowly starting to suck, about my friends who I felt like I am gonna lose if I continue being miles away. 🙁


Honestly, I knew it was for the best. Because He always knows best.
But I just couldn’t stop crying.
I felt bad for making Mr Sunshine see me in such a disappointing state.
He had ran out of comfort words for me.
He took me out for dinner at McDonald’s that night, with intentions to cheer me up.

I had the new and delicious Black Pepper Spicy Chicken McDeluxe.

We ordered the large McValue meal which came with the much missed Spicy McShaker Fries ! Oh so sedap !!

I swear I felt so much better that night. Joking around with Mr Sunshine, watched Grown Ups after we got back, which was pretty hilarious by the way. 😀

Thanks to Mr Sunshine and a few comforting words from my family and best friends, I was not crying anymore.
I am okay, we’re okay. This isn’t that bad.“, I thought to myself before I went to bed.

I thought wrong.

I woke up on Friday morning feeling as though I had a huge brick on my chest.
And the tears started to run (happily ?) down my cheeks.
I woke Mr Sunshine up and asked him all these ridiculous questions like, “I think it’s (insert name)’s fault that our application was not approved, do you think so ? Yes it was !!” and said even more ridiculous things like, “I am not gonna be near to IKEA meatballs !!”.
All that while crying like a baby.

I decided I needed to go out.
I forced Mr Sunshine to take me somewhere far, anywhere besides Terengganu, please !
Even better if we got to watch a movie !
And so he brought me to watch a movie.
At East Coast Mall, Kuantan !
Had a late lunch at Black Canyon Restaurant. This is our forth time there and we’ve never not enjoyed the food there.
Mr Sunshine ordered the American Fried Rice (I’m assuming it’s Nasi Goreng USA, no ?)

And I had the super spicy and yummy Fettuccine with Seafood and Spicy Paste.

It tastes better than it looks like. Hehe.

We watched Eat, Pray, Love that evening.
Although my eyes were stinging and tired from all the crying I had been doing, I enjoyed the movie very much !
I can’t say the same for Mr Sunshine, hehe, but I commend him for staying awake throughout the whole two and a half hours.
“Kalau girlfriend ajak tengok movie macam ini, mesti tak tengok punya,” he told me.
What he meant was he watched it with me because I’m his wife and not just a girlfriend of his.”
Yes, I found that sweet. 🙂
I have not read the book yet but I plan to do so soon. 🙂
The movie not only provided me with some of life’s lessons that I needed, but also made me crave for spaghetti ! Hehehe.
Mr Sunshine, either he was being the darling he is or he was just afraid I was gonna end up in tears again (I choose to believe the latter), brought me to the nearest place we could have spaghetti at, which was Pizza Hut !
That’s happy, tired and swollen-eyed me with my Spaghetti Bolognaise.

And to end the day, I treated myself to my favourite Baskin Robbins’ Pralines and Cream ice cream !

Mr Sunshine went to great lengths to make me feel better and I love him so much for that.

I apologize for being such a nuisance, sayang. 🙁

At the end of the day, I realized that I have so much to be thankful for.
At least Mr Sunshine and I are living together, and not living in different cities.
I have a job. I have to learn to accept it with all its trials and challenges. Who am I to say that if I move to another place, things will be better ?
Ikhlaskan hati, Melissa.
I have daily internet access, I have a telly with Astro.
I never go hungry.
And even though I won’t get my Nando’s or IKEA meatballs over here, there’s always McDonald’s. Hehe.

This might not be the right time for us to move anywhere. We’re not exactly in a stable financial situation to do so actually.
Staying here saves us from having to pay extra rent and fork out money for furniture.
I still can have extra snooze time in the morning before work if I want to, since the hospital’s only a 5-minute walk away.
Our rezeki is still here, in beautiful Terengganu. 🙂
I need to start looking at all the good things that this place has to offer.
Allah knows what’s best for us.

I won’t deny that I am still sad, but grateful at the same time.

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (Al-Baqarah 2:216)

So yeah, I am okay now. We’re okay.
This isn’t that bad. 🙂


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i got you babe.

I am having trouble falling asleep.
I do not know whether it’s because it’s that time of the month, or because I have became accustomed to feeling blue whenever Aidilfitri is nearing since Mummy left.

I am secretly afraid of not being able to programme myself to be happy around Mr Sunshine’s family at Raya. It’s not that they’re bad people or anything (they have been great, Alhamdulillah). But I guess this takes getting used to, because I have not even gotten used to Raya without Mummy around, plus the fact I have never been this far apart from my family my entire life.

Oh yeah, and I am having my period now which means I am not pregnant. Yet.
I know I have seemed pretty cool about it all this while but it’s really, really, really starting to get to me. Like, is there something wrong with me ? I feel like I am disappointing not only myself but everyone around me.
Mr Sunshine especially. 🙁

I am all torn up inside right now.

But as Mr Sunshine always say to me, “Semuanya datang dari Allah SWT.”
I know this is so cliche, but everything does happen for a reason.
I shall try not mope around this year during Raya.
I shall try not to worry about things I cannot control.
I shall try not to take insignificant people’s words or actions to heart.
I shall try not to stress myself up over petty things. – This one is the toughest of ’em all !

I should be appreciating the fact that this year will be the first year Mr Sunshine and I will be celebrating Aidilfitri as husband and wife. InshaAllah. Alhamdulillah.
And that I still have my family around even they are miles away. Alhamdulillah.

This better be just my hormones messing around with me.

I’ve gotta get to bed, Mr Sunshine and I have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.

P.S: Raya cookies status ? Almost gone. Hehe.

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to doctor (insert name here).

You’re a doctor. You’re responsible for every prescription you write, every drug you prescribe and every patient under your care. But you choose to be ignorant, and when asked whether is there a reason why a particular drug was prescribed not according to standard guidelines (you do realize it’s my job to intervene to make sure a patient receives appropriate treatment, do you ?), you lash out angrily and tell people to fix the situation out themselves ! This is the third time you’ve ever done such a thing, and your rude attitude is nauseating. All the other doctors and even the specialists I have been dealing with all this while have been very well mannered. I wonder what use were all those years of studying and two years (yes, you’re just an MO, I believe you need a reality check) of working you went through.

P.S: This is referring to one particular medical officer, not the whole community, thanks.


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they say time heals everything, but i’m still waiting.

Happy birthday Mummy.
You would be 60 if you were still around.
And tomorrow, it will be 4 years since you left us.
I miss you so much that it (literally) hurts, especially since it’s halfway through Ramadhan and Aidilfitri is just around the corner. :'(

This will be the fifth Aidilfitri we will be celebrating without you. I just can’t lie,but things will never be the same without you around.
Daddy misses you. He’s doing alright, but he’s alone for most parts of the day. I hope my transfer application will be approved as soon as possible so that I can be nearer to him. Ameen.
Marc’s doing good. He’s  a lot wiser now. You would be so proud of him, I know I am. He’s no longer naughty little Marc. 🙂
Marlene’s growing up to be a beautiful, smart and strong woman, just like you. She resembles you so much !
I am in the hands of a good man right now. Alhamdulillah.
It’s such a pity that he did not get to see how beautiful you were as a mother and a person.
I’m sure you would have loved him. He’s sweet and hilarious. 🙂
I have gained great new friends, and lost a few insignificant ones.
I have learned so much over these four years. Alhamdulillah.

There’s so much more that I want to tell you about.
I miss having you sit on the living room sofa and listen to me babble on and on.
Sometimes I have old videos with you in it on repeat just so I can listen to your voice.
I still cry myself to sleep at times, but Mr Sunshine is always there to the rescue. Alhamdulillah.

I miss you.
I miss you.


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i’m not lovin’ it.

Good morning Friday !

I had a very unpleasant experience at McDonald’s, Padang Hiliran, Kuala Terengganu this morning.
Mr Sunshine and I were supposed to collect a few boxes of kerepek which his mum sent from Batu Pahat through one of the express buses. We were told that it (the bus) would arrive at between 0430 hours to 0500 hours at Kuala Terengganu this morning, so we had planned to leave the house at about 0330 hours and to have our sahur at the McDonald’s outlet mentioned above.
So it happened we overslept, no surprise there huh, and woke up at 0440 hours, resulting in Mr Sunshine speeding and us reaching the McDonald’s at 0515 hours (a record time of 25 minutes !*).
Alhamdulillah, we still had time for sahur, I thought to myself.
I thought wrong.
We decided it was best to just dine in the car, so we tried the drive-thru but there was no one there to entertain us. So I got down the car to order takeaway.
There was already a couple ordering in front of me and I noticed that the female employee behind the counter was taking down the order manually. The cash register was closed for some odd reason.
No one behind the counter was smiling, I could swear one of the male employee rolled his eyes at me. They seemed very unhappy to be having customers at that hour.
The ordering process took longer than I expected, with the female employee grumbling out loud, “Tak sahur lah aku hari ini.” and “Aku baru minum air sahaja tau.”, frowning all the way.
The couple and I exchanged smiles and the same WTH thought.
The clock was already showing 0530 hours and all of us still have not gotten our food.
I watched in disbelief as another male employee reluctantly filled in our drinks and put them on the counter without even acknowledging us.
While the female employee was still grumbling and whining out loud. 
I received my McValue Meals earlier that the couple in front of me. Poor thing, they ordered a lot more than I did.
But there was no Thank You or I’m Sorry or even a smile at the end of all of it.
If that does not scream lousy service, I do not know what to say.

Apart from the horrible encounter, I was not pleased that Mr Sunshine and I were left with a few minutes to gobble down our meals.
I think I have indigestion now, thank you.
I hope the earlier couple had enough time to at least have a bite before Subuh. 

I definitely plan to not forget their faces and am gonna note down their names the next time I am there and I’ll either complain directly to the franchise owner (Mr Sunshine knows him) or use the suggestion form to lodge my complaint.
I’m not being dramatic, it’s just that I believe that when you work in this line of business, you have to show respect and be pleasant to your customers AT ALL TIMES. In fact this also applies to us pharmacists and doctors (or anyone whose job requires them to be one-on-one with other people) as well.
From my retail experience of working at Watson’s, Carlo Rino and Paul Smith, and now as a pharmacist dealing with all sorts of patients the whole day, I know how tiring it can get, but whatever that’s going wrong behind the counter stays behind the counter.
Everyone has their bad days.
Grumble all you want behind your customers, but smile (fake one, if you have to) in front of them.
If you can’t do that, quit.
And go look for a desk job which do not require human contact. Good luck with that.

I am not angry lah.
Just very, very displeased. And my tummy hurts.
Ok I have to go to the market now. Bye.

*Kids, don’t try this at home.


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I hope someday you would realize the amount of hurt that YOU have caused me.

I hope someday you realize that every time I tried to get in touch with you, it was FOR YOU, to know how YOU were and if there was anything wrong with YOU.

I hope you realize that over the years I have been dismissing my husband/family/friends/ex-boyfriend’s advice to keep you out of my life because I was willing to give YOU the benefit of the doubt.
My Daddy even still remembers the day you stood me up for your other friends when you promised me we would look for a place to stay together. I’m sure YOU can’t even recall that incident, because I seemed to have forgotten it too.

I hope you realize that my husband won’t even want to talk to me if I mention YOUR name. Yes, that’s how much he hates YOU for doing this to me. 

I hope you realize that I am starting to regret the day we bumped into each other after I tried to severe ties with you even though I know it was written that I had to be there for you through your nasty break up.

I hope you realize that you do not need to stoop so low and pass remarks about how beautiful your friendships with other people are despite them having little or no communication, just to make your sorry little self feel better.

“Don’t let these bangang people bring you down.” (Felicia Simone, 2010)
So I am not letting YOU bring me down.

Thanks Felicia, thank you Akey, thank you Lene, thank you Annisa, thank you Diana and thank you Mr Sunshine for all your words of comfort and advice.


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worry is wasteful.

I do not like not knowing where Mr Sunshine is.
Pardon me, I do not mean to sound like a naggy wife, but he travels A LOT either on his own or with some of his other colleagues, and I get worried for his safety on the road.
And yes, sometimes the worrying almost crosses the border to being paranoid. Almost.

I do not expect hourly reports, but a simple text message to let me know when he has reached somewhere or is leaving to another place would suffice.
It’s a good thing, the both of us have been used to letting each other know about our whereabouts, even before we got married. It’s not something any of us forced unto each other, I guess it was just came naturally to us.
I am not sure whether this is the norm with other couples out there(?).

A short “Saya dah sampai.” or “Saya baru bertolak ke (insert name of place).” are common exchanges between us.
Well of course through the short messaging service those messages are actually shorter. Hehe.

I depend so much on the security of always being able to get in touch with him and his whereabouts so you can only imagine how distressed I would be if he happens to go some place where there is no Maxis coverage.
Or when his phone runs out of battery.
The last text message from him was at 1800 hours, letting me know that he had just left Mesra Mall, Kerteh after his routine inspections at premises in Kemaman were over. Before that he did call to let me know his battery was running low and asked me what flavor of Big Apple donuts that I wanted. Love you.
Based on experience, he should have arrived back home like, hm, now. 🙁

I just want him home safe. 🙁


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don’t speak.

I’m working the WP 3 shift this month, which means I clock in at 0830 hours and clock out at 1730 hours.
I love the clocking in late part but I am not particularly happy about clocking out late. Hehe.
I wonder if I can trick them to let me have a half an hour break and let me go home at 1700 hours. Haha.

Mr Sunshine is on his way to Perhentian Island.
He’d be staying there for a night, which leaves me all alone at night again. Sigh.
The last time he left wasn’t that bad, but what bums me out is him going to Perhentian !
I am aware that it’s a work trip, but the inspections won’t take the whole day, right ?
Not fair !

Have fun Yayang ! ;D

I am a bit disappointed with a certain someone.
You can say that we’re kinda close, but the thing is I do not see any effort on her side to maintain whatever that’s left of the friendship we have.
I am not expecting calls or messages every week but even once a month would suffice. I would be happy even with a message on Facebook. You get what I mean ?
Why should I always be the one initiating communication ?
Recently I tried getting in touch with her, but she told me she was busy and would get back to me as soon as she got back home. That was a week ago.
But I should have seen it coming.
It has always been like this.

Dear you, you know we’ve been through the whole I-won’t-be-in-touch-until-I-feel-like-I-need-you phase a few times now. I love you but it’s getting a bit tiring. Seriously.
Tawar hati lah.

I am fasting today as I have a few more days of fasts to make up.
I managed to fast the whole first week of Rejab, Alhamdulillah, before Aunt Flo came to visit.
I have absolutely no idea what to have this evening when I break my fast. I get lazy to cook when I am alone.
I am lazy even when Mr Sunshine’s around too actually but the feeling gets more intense he’s not. Hehe.

I feel a headache coming on.
There’s still time to lie down, yay !

Have a good week everyone ! ;D


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