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Category: emo

nelly.

Currently feeling: Sad
Currently listening to: Out Of Love – Five For Fighting

As for you, you’re one hell of a bitter pill to swallow.

xoxo

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kassim selamat.

Currently feeling: Sad
Currently listening to: Strength, Courage & Wisdom – India.Arie

Right or wrong ?
That question will perpetually be in my head.
No one can give me a definite answer, except time (and God).

God willing, in time, I would see where you stand in my life.
Because I know how it feels to wait with a hopeful heart. Only to be let down.
You have questioned my love for you. Well, I love you enough to not want that to happen to you.

However agonizing it might turn out to be, I’d have to learn to get through this (transitory, hopefully) journey, on my own.

If you’re still willing to be there for me, I’d be more than happy.
Just not in the way you’d hope you could be there.
At least, not for now.

xoxo

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i wonder if i’ll ever see you again.

Currently feeling: Sad
Currently listening to: Again – Lenny Kravitz

Did the unthinkable.
Feeling worse than I thought.

Screw me.

xoxo

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penang.

Currently feeling: Disappointed
Currently listening to: The Beautiful Ones – Mariah Carey

Losing balance.
In less than 24 hours.
I am a hopeless case.

xoxo

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still searching.

Currently feeling: Melancholic
Currently listening to: How’s It Going To Be – Third Eye Blind

I just got back from an outing and dinner with Farhan, one of my exes during high school.

Before I start rambling, let me start off by wishing Miss Fifi a very Happy Birthday !!
Hope you had a good one. Loads of hugs from me !

In less than a month from now, I would probably be acting like how I was a week ago.
I would probably be tempted to do what I did a few days ago.
It’s not that I have not told myself time and time again that I should not let myself sink together with the wreckage.
This shouldn’t be so bad. I have witnessed worse.
I have been through worse.
So what the hell am I still doing here ?
Time and tears that have been wasted can’t be replaced.
Let this be a reminder.
I shall not falter, again. I shall not !

Disappointments happen when you expect too much.
I should try to go easy on the expectations.
Let you breathe.
Let you be you.
And take it from there.
Leave room for mistakes, we’re all human.
Expectations aside, what if it’s you that I just can’t take ?
Is good enough really good enough ?
Should I just settle for that ?
Shouldn’t all of us be seeking the best ?

I have realized that I don’t like anyone to dictate what I should or should not do.
And if I did not ask you for your opinion, it means I just want you to listen.
I cannot take it if someone else has the thought that they own me.
No one owns me.
I am no one’s property.
I don’t belong to anyone, except myself. Oh, and Allah S.W.T of course.

I have also realized that, I haven’t stopped searching.
Which is not such a good sign.

You used to be so caring.
Now I don’t even hear from you. Even when I do, it’s just, different.
To think that you used to say that nothing can come in between us, no one can replace us. Or something along the lines of that.
Oh well, people change.
Sad.

Change is not always good.

I know that God’s will will be done, so I lay down my pain and I’m moving on.

Oh by the way, the outing with Farhan (and a friend of his) was good.

xoxo

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corny collins.

Currently feeling: Sleepy
Currently listening to: (It’s) Hairspray – James Marsden (he’s so hot, I can’t help it)

I need sleep.
But I can’t sleep.
I shouldn’t be beating myself up so hard over this.
One day won’t do much damage. Right ?
Ouch, my neck hurts.

If you can’t stop shivering, how can you possibly keep me warm ?

xoxo

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call or sms ?

Currently feeling: Irked
Currently listening to: Nothing

How many bloody times do I have to repeat myself ?!
You’re not dumb, please don’t act like you are.

xoxo

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tiga belas.

Currently feeling: Sad
Currently listening to: Petals – Mariah Carey

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and despised what you saw ?

xoxo

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find some alone time.

Currently feeling: Exhausted
Currently listening to: One Sweet Day – Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men

xoxo

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it’s all coming back to me now.

Currently feeling: Sleepy
Currently listening to: Nothing

Daddy’s blood test and checkup was postponed to April next year. The last checkup he had was in February this year which means no checkup for more than a year.
I am angry.
Angry at the fact that they couldn’t call or mail or text or use other means of communication to let Daddy know that it was postponed instead of him having to drive all the way there for nothing. What a waste of time, fuel and energy !
Okay so maybe it was not a total waste, he did get to take his new supply of medications.
I really don’t get these people.
Why the postponation ?
Haha, I know, postponation is not a word. It just sounded cool (and funny) in my head.
Sorry.
Let me rephrase that, why the postpone ??
Sigh.

I was in Shah Alam with Lene earlier, printing four copies of my thesis.
Then I left them with Pojie as she’s gonna hand them over to Chona who will then pass them to Farhan who’s responsible of bringing the whole class’ thesis for the hard cover binding process.

I’m tired.
I’m hungry.
I’m sad.

xoxo

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