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Category: emo

pump.

Currently feeling: Tired
Currently listening to: Little Black Sandals – Sia

Back from my little outing with Yus.
We were at KLCC. I can’t remember the last time I was there.
Despite being unwell, it was fun to get to meet her and talk and laugh and talk and laugh.

This is a photo from last week where I took these people (excluding Yamin) for their first taste of Burger King. Yes, first !

I still don’t get it why people wear sunnies, indoors.
And why they push the doors when it clearly says pull. Oh, but then again, they may be illiterate, eh ? So I take that back.

I hate it when zits appear at non strategic places. You know where it hurts even when you make normal movements, like try to move your mouth to talk, for instance.
Okay, okay, I hate zits in general.
But since I have to face the fact that I have and am gonna be plagued with it probably my whole life, I think they (the zits) can at least do me a favour and appear in a less painful manner lah kan.

My webcam doesn’t seem to be working. I’m not sure since when but I just realized it last week. Whenever I try to turn it on, this pops up (click to enlarge, please).

Kenapa eh ?
Ah, it doesn’t matter. I don’t use my webcam that much anyway.

How is it that I drink a whole lot (gila banyak, okay) of water everyday, yet my skin is perpetually dry ?
And I’m just too lazy to apply all these lotions you know.
Speaking about lotions, I’m not a fan of lotions packed in bottles without a pump. They can get really messy especially when I’m the one using it. Disgusting, at times.
But I know they’re practical lah kan, you can’t carry a bottle with a pump in your bag, unless you intend to moisturize the insides of your bag.

I haven’t seen my boyfriend for more than 24 hours now and I think I’m going nuts.
He’s not even within 100 kilometers from me.
Long distance relationships are definitely not my thing. I think it has the capacity to kill a person me.
Oi, I miss you like gila banyak okay, cepat sikit balik boleh tak ? Okay, I’m wasting energy, it’s not as if he can read this.

I apologize for having to sound like a broken record, I just want people to know that I blog for myself, not for anyone else’s entertainment or what not. This is MY blog, where MY thoughts, MY rants are posted, so if YOU think I’m pathetic or need to get a life (like yours ? going around leaving bitter anonymous comments on people’s blogs ?), why are YOU still reading this ? Well, in my opinion, you’re the one who should be told to get a life, do something better with your time, instead of wasting it acting uncivilized/uneducated. I feel so sorry for you. Sigh.

For someone who has to sit for an extra paper this coming finals, I’m sooo relaxed, eh ? Too relaxed, I think.

Woah, I just ate 8 packets of Cloud 9 within a span of 10 minutes.
That would be my dinner, I guess.

xoxo

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numbness.

Currently feeling: Shitty
Currently listening to: What Hurts The Most – Rascal Flatts

I need a lesson on how to be numb.
Because I’m just so very fucking sick of crying.

xoxo

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awake.

Currently feeling: Bittersweet
Currently listening to: Dear Lie – TLC

I just wanted to talk.
About how these things I have in my head are bugging me.
About this very shitty unpleasant situation I have been going through. (P.S: Thank you, Gan. Sobs.)
About how I don’t think I am ready for what’s ahead.
I just needed to talk.
But, watching that movie was fine too, I guess.

Life’s simple, you make choices and you don’t look back.
(Han, The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift)

Boy, who knew The Fast and The Furious could be so profound.

xoxo

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black.

Currently feeling: Low
Currently listening to: Berhenti Berharap – Sheila On 7

You know a person’s really fat when they dress in black and still manage to look, well, fat.
Hmm.
Hate this.

xoxo

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open my eyes.

Currently feeling: Melancholic
Currently listening to: Hunter – Dido

Peter Drucker once said, “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.”

If it was not meant to be, please grant me enough strength to get over it.
If this was meant to be, please grant me enough patience to wait.

Open my eyes.
Let me smile.
Please.

xoxo

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it’s too late to apologize.

Currently feeling: Hurt
Currently listening to: Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis

There are times when saying sorry just doesn’t fix things.

You cut me open and I keep bleeding love.

xoxo

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screw and scratch.

Currently feeling: Sweaty
Currently listening to: Don’t Walk Away – Bethany Joy

I’ve said this a million times before, some things that might not be of a big deal to you, could be a whole big of a deal to me. And, I really hate it when people brush away my feelings or make me feel as if what I’m feeling is unnecessary or insignificant.
Screw you.

I sent a few text messages to her. Over a period of a month.
She hasn’t replied a single one.
It’s like a replay of last year’s sad movie.
I don’t know why I allowed myself to hope that things would turn over for the better.
It seemed like it was only better for a fraction of a minute.
I shouldn’t be wasting my time thinking of such people.
Screw you.

I haven’t been able to stop scratching and as a result my arms and legs look ugly as hell now. Damnit.

I did more than two hours of workout just now.
My whole body’s aching, but that’s not gonna stop me from doing it again tomorrow. I’d work out until I collapse for all I care.
Just as long as I’m back to how I looked early last year.

Everyone’s a hypocrite. One way or the other.
I’d be happy if someone is able to prove me wrong.

I’m feeling pretty stupid right now.
Wait, stupid is an understatement.
I’m feeling brainless.
I honestly feel like I don’t belong here.
But there’s no way I can run away. Now. Not anymore.
Fuck.

I am entitled to bitch/cry/whine/get all emotional on you right now because I am PMS-ing, okay ?
Thanks.

I’m in need of some ice cream and a movie.

Ergh.

xoxo

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petty.

Currently feeling: Inadequate
Currently listening to: Like A Star – Corrine Bailey Rae

I’m not gonna change. For you.
Or for anyone else.
I have been like this for as long as I remember. I’m an emotional mess, I’m no angel because I curse and swear, I bruise easily and I get worked up over petty things.
Take me as I am.
Or just leave.
Thanks.

xoxo

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dear you.

Currently feeling: Contemplative
Currently listening to: Ways and Means – Snow Patrol

Who are we to decide whether we’re good enough for anyone ?
That’s what you keep telling me.

Yet, I still can’t stop myself from thinking that you deserve to be with someone not like me.

Since the day we had that heart to heart conversation in which you had to deal with my confession(s), my mind hasn’t been at peace.
I am extremely touched by the fact that even after all that you’ve heard, you still want to be with me when you can choose not to.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you’re someone with no faults. It’s true that everyone has their goods and bads.
I love you for your strong beliefs and principles, the way you think, the way you want to take care of me by not taking advantage of me and not letting others take advantage of me too. I love you for giving me a sense of direction and assuring me that you would hold my hand and for giving me the feeling that you’d be able to guide me onto the right path throughout life.
In my eyes, as naughty as you can be, you have a heart of gold and you are entitled to be with someone who’s just like that.
Sadly, I am way far from being like that. Sigh.

At the same time, I’m at that stage where I don’t think I can handle another heartbreak.
The stage where I don’t wanna risk things not working out.
I’m at a stage where if this doesn’t last, I would rather spend the rest of my life alone.

You can’t imagine how insecure I feel with these thoughts of me being unworthy of you.
I am terrified, I get this feeling that you can just get up and walk away the minute you find someone better.
Terrified to the extent that I have even thought that maybe I should be the one to leave.

How I wish to hear you say you would never leave me and mean it.

I am aware that the power does not lie in our hands.
I am aware that you can’t guarantee me anything. And I can’t either.
We only have the power to plan and the rest is up to Him.

Sigh.

I just need a sign.
Something that would tell me this is meant to be.
Because..
I
just
want
this
to
last.

xoxo

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fat and fugly.

Currently feeling: Fat and fugly
Currently listening to: Back To Black – Amy Winehouse

Am I gonna spend the rest of my life worrying and feeling guilty about every single thing I put in my mouth ?
Am I gonna spend the rest of my life shedding tears over these thoughts and feelings ?
Will I ever be able to get myself out of this ?
I am so so sad.
I am so sick of being like this.
I just wanna feel beautiful and at peace with myself.
I am so so tired !

xoxo

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