Category: babble

19
Nov
2019

My Struggle with Self Love

I can honestly say that I have always struggled with self love.

I cannot remember a time when I looked into the mirror without thinking, why is my face covered with scars? Why are my hips so huge? Why is my nose full of blackheads? Why am I so fat? Why are my pores so big? Why do I look so funny when I laugh? Why is my teeth so ugly? Did he give this job to me by mistake?

All that I see are my flaws. On the other hand, everyone else looks & seem so perfect to me.

I know I should love myself & we have always been told to love ourselves first before we love someone else.

What is self love anyway?

Self love goes way beyond taking some time off to go to the gym or spa. Or getting your nails done for the first time. (Yes, I have never had a manicure in my life!)

Self love is a process of accepting & appreciating our flaws & imperfections, along with our strengths & beauty. Sounds pretty simple, right?

But you don’t just wake up one day & look in the mirror & say, wow, my scars look amazing! My body is so beautiful! Yayyyy for fat hips! 😆

Because it is a gradual emotional process.

In January, a friend of mine who has been helping me with emotional release (will blog about this in a later post) told me that I have been having recurring emotions of insecurity & suggested for me to do a 21-day meditation to release this particular emotion & replace with a positive one.

Unfortunately, I think I only managed to do ONE day of meditation, haha, sorry Yasmin!
So I’ll need to work on being more disciplined on focused on switching my brain from self loath to self love, InshaAllah.

Anyone here in the same boat, let’s do this together. <3

Do keep me in your prayers, guys! I know I can do this. 🙂

xoxo

01
Mar
2019

Passion

categories: babble, emo

What do you do when the passion fades?

I posted this question on my Facebook last year and one person answered that I should recheck my reason, while another told me to experiment & try out new things.

When we talk about passion, it’s that fire which drives you to do something. It’s that intense desire or enthusiasm for something. And like everything else in this world, it is not permanent.
But I believe if you are truly passionate about something, you will go all out to make sure that the fire does not fade.

And how do you do that?
Do you recheck your reason?
Or do you experiment & try out new things?

I would say – DO BOTH!

Without a doubt, we should always, always go back to the reason we started involving ourselves in that special something. Ask ourselves why, who, what? Why am I doing this? Who am doing this for? Why do I need this? What do I want to change with this?

In addition to this, we should always try to look for different ways to spice up that special something. Experiment, try something new. Something new does not mean ditching the old but it can mean revamping the methods in which we have been so accustomed to.

If I may add, it really helps to surround ourselves with positive people who can support us when we feel like we have lost it or to give us that extra nudge when we need it. Because we are only human and our passion can fluctuate – nobody’s perfect!

Yes, passion here can refer to anything – our relationship, our career, our friendships, our hobbies, etc etc. Because passion needs to exist in all of them!

Here’s to living 2019 passionately!:)

xoxo

05
Oct
2018

What’s New?

categories: babble, family, Khaleel, khayla, mr. sunshine

So what’s new with me after more than a year of leaving the blogosphere?

I have so much to tell but I don’t think I can cram everything into one post.

Nevertheless, I guess I’ll take it from this post.

Alhamdulillah, Mr Sunshine graduated with flying colours last year and has started working again. This means that he would no longer be at home to take care of the kids should the need arise. It got back to us taking turns to take leave.

convocation — Mak and I with Mr Sunshine on his graduation day!

However, we also found a substitute babysitter to send the kids to when the both of us are unable to take leave. She happens to be the sister in-law’s babysitter who Alhamdulillah is nice & Khayla loves her. Khaleel on the other hand, needs a little warming up every time we send him there because he is very attached to his current sitter whom he affectionately calls ‘Mama’.

This is kind of worrying to me as we are planning to send him to a montessori starting next year but InshaAllah hopefully he will be fine.

Khaleel has grown up to be a very active & talkative kid, Alhamdulillah.

However, I must share that in February this year, he had an afebrile seizure attack when he was at the sitter’s. When I got to him, he was so weak for at least 3 hours & it scared the hell out of me. But of course, it was the usual post-ictal symptom one would experience after a seizure attack.

A colleague of mine helped to send us to the hospital where he was warded for a few days and had an electroencephalogram (EEG) & an MRI carried out on him. He had to be sedated for the MRI, so he had to fast and it was not easy handling a hungry (and thirsty) kid especially when he was begging you for your milk.

I bruised my right arm throughout the process, both arms were sore and my chest hurt from him banging his head on it. But Alhamdulillah, his MRI turned out normal. However, his EEG did show signs of seizure activity.

When trying to deduce what triggered the attack, the specialist told us it could have been due to the loss of electrolytes as he was vomiting a couple of days prior to that. In addition, we have family histories of febrile & afebrile fits.

It was such a physically & emotionally challenging period for us and definitely one of the scariest moments in my life.

Khayla is in Standard One, can you believe it?

Alhamdulillah, she is doing well in school. She really enjoys swimming, talking, singing & participating in all of her school activities. I pray she continues to have this passion for school, for studying and extra-curricular activities.

It’s funny that one minute she’s telling me she’s best friends with this person and in another minute, they’re not friends anymore. Then, in the following minute, they’re friends again! I don’t remember going through this much drama when I was in Standard One. Haha.

merdeka — Khayla got through to the finals of her school’s pakaian beragam Merdeka competition wearing this outfit.

She will be sitting for her final exams next week, inshaAllah. And oh boy, have you seen the Standard One syllabus these days? I feel sorry for all these kids who have to crack their heads just to follow the syllabus. Please keep Khayla in your prayers!

Daddy had a minor heart attack in March. 🙁

He was admitted for a week and after a series of tests & appointments, it was decided that he would have to go for a bypass. He had his bypass in July, and was discharged after 2 weeks. Sadly, he was readmitted into the ICU due to an infection on the wound on his leg where they made the incisions for the bypass. 🙁

He is now staying with Marc and we hire a nurse to look after him during the day. He is slowly recovering and making progress, albeit slower that expected. Please keep him in your prayers as well!

Marc has moved into a landed quarters!

His new place is in a pretty quiet & cozy neighbourhood where the kids get to play outside & Daddy can take his walks without having to use a lift to go up & down.

Marlene has completed her Bachelors in Dentistry, Alhamdulillah!

Hellooo free veneers! Eh? Haha.

As for myself, work has been stressful as usual but good, Alhamdulillah. I have also dabbled in the world of essential oils, which I shall share in my next post, InshaAllah.

Until my next post, see you!

xoxo