I can count with my fingers the number of times I have gone out for lunch with my colleagues here. I usually walk back home to pray and/or take a short nap and/or surf the web during lunch time. And I have been doing so for the past 1 year for a couple of reasons. Reason number 1 being that, I don’t eat lunch on most days (of my life, hehe). Another reason is because I have always considered me being here in Terengganu as something ephemeral, and the only purpose I’m here is to work and work and work. And the only thing I look forward to everyday is to go back home to Gombak.

This afternoon my boss had this to say to me when I refused to go along with her and my colleagues for lunch, “Awak kena keluar lah kadang-kadang, baru ceria sikit. Ini asyik fikir nak balik je, mana tak sedih.”
Of course I had a rebuttal to that, but only now it occurred to me that she could be right.
I realized that I have been going through my days, not really appreciating them. Instead, I pass my days by looking to the future, constantly looking at the calendar, thinking of the next time I would be able to go home and be with my family and friends, or when will I finally get to transfer out of here.
I keep thinking that life would be better when I’m out of here. But I forgot to notice that my life is now, it’s happening now, whether I am loving it or not.
I really need to start living in the present. Enjoy now.
I should neither dwell in the past, nor overthink what’s ahead.

This might sound a tad ambitious coming from someone like me.
But I plan to try my very best. 🙂

This is my one and only life, And its a great and terrible and short and endless thing, and none of us come out of it alive.” Holly Kennedy (P.S I Love You, 2007).


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10 Comments on because this is my one and only life.

  1. yes..use the time u have there with good memories… then u’ll not regret later… anyhow u’re so lucky ur husband with u la laling… jgn sedey2 nnt x comei…cheer up gurl!! klu sedey2 nnt lambat dapat baby comei…

    it’s hard for me too leaving far away from my family….i’m not used too and it’s totally different when we’re married, but on the bright side hubby is with me…adapting to a new beginning wasn’t easy at all.

    live to a happy life… make urself happy the way u want it to be!!!

  2. melissa..i used to be like u.. cant wait to get out from the east coast, always looking forward to go back to bangi.. but then, it makes me unhappy every day.. so slowly, i learn to accept it..and it has been 2 years + now..

    i know its hard, but i believe u can do it.. it will be easier for u as time goes by.. as long as u have ur love ones beside u.. =)

  3. a wise person once said (i forgot who the heck was that wise person, so that’s why it started like that, heh!) : ‘yesterday is history, tomorrow’s a mystery, today is a gift. that’s why it’s called the “present”.’ ~ hehe.. cherish what you have now, girl. you’re luckier than you thought you are… 🙂

  4. Ana: You’re right. I’m fortunate not to be here alone. That would be worse ! I am slowly trying to adapt lah. Thanks so much ! 😉

    Eizera: Thanks for dropping by ! Yeah, I have been allowing myself to feel sad throughout the whole 1 year I have been here. I’m hoping to change this. 😉

    Noor: I am only human, and I tend to forget how blessed I am. 🙁
    Thanks dear !

  5. kak mel: I’ve been in this situation and worked my way out. its best if we pay attention to what we have currently and take life as we go along. nothing is too bad, terengganu or not 😀

    haha, i dont know if i make any sense ;p

  6. i keep telling myself the same things… that i should STOP dwelling and overthinking/worrying but… what can i do/say. it’s all become so much a part of me. i don’t know. i guess that’s why they always say “youth is wasted on the young.”

    good luck to you though. i do hope this new sunny disposition works out for you!

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