Acceptance

It is almost 1 am, and here I am lying on my bed unable to fall asleep.

The left side of my face hurts. I think it could be trigeminal neuralgia, triggered by my (also painful) cold sore.

So much has happened over the past few years & months that I do not know where to start.

Maybe it is wise that I start by sharing that I am struggling with depression and anxiety.
And that I am having a challenging time just accepting that.

When my previous post was written, I was told by a friend of mine who is a clinical psychologist that what I have been experiencing was actually depression.

And that my anxiety (the reason why I went to see him), was secondary to that.

It made sense for a bit.

But then my super ego kind of brushed it away and kept telling me that it is not a definite diagnosis.

I can’t possibly be depressed.
You should not be depressed, Melissa.
I should be happy.
I must be grateful.
I should be….

Then, I was seeing another clinical psychologist fortnightly for psychotherapy who had suggested I meet with a psychiatrist. She implied that I might need medication to ‘quiet my brain’ (my phrase, not hers). ☹️

With me currently working 6 days a week and then dedicating my only day off to my business, things were getting pretty rough.

I eventually decided to meet with a psychiatrist.

“You are unwell. You are depressed. And you have to accept it.”

I have to accept it.

Easier said (and typed) than done.

But it does make so much sense. Every single thing that I have been feeling, thinking and going through. All makes so much sense now!

Part of me trying to come to terms with everything is reading up about the symptoms & what I can do to help myself.

I plan to write another post on my personal symptoms – what it is actually like to be depressed. And how you can be around someone who is depressed and not even know…

Until then, I would appreciate your kind doa for me to get through this. And that I will actually have the strength to write another post soon.

I need to try to get some shut eye. Bye.

xoxo